Te Doy Mi Todo, No Pierdo Nada.

To come to think about it, I have never been on the safer side of life.

Sure, probably the least time I’ve been in the circle was during my schooldays.

My first major exam was UPSR – the interchange between Primary and Secondary of Malaysian educational stage. I scored straight A’s. Hell, I didn’t even study for that, as far as I can remember. And in between Form 3 and 4, I scored 7As and 2Bs for my PMR examination, likewise UPSR, I did not put too much effort on it.

And yes, I am truly a lucky ass to score 5As 4Bs and 4Cs for my SPM altogether, with no fails – without hitting the books too hard as hard as others. I guess I never took seriously on my studies, ever. Unfortunately I did not get any offer from the local Uni (forget about overseas, my dad’s not Donald Trump). Padan muka.

Only one sunny day, when finally I received a letter from KPTM Kuantan (a so called polytechnic college, subsidiary under MARA). My mum told me that it could be a blessing in disguise, so off I went.

There, I spent three years, discovering myself. I met whole lotta people from different backgrounds. Nerds, rempits, musicians, backstabber, good people, fucktards, and great friends like Izrul, one of the coolest motherfucker I ever met. The freedom of doing things on my own.

I had some pretty rough times there, as my dad could not afford to fund me. The only rope that I can cling to was MARA study loan which, of course, not as much as other scholarships. Or my 2nd sister, Yati. Nevertheless, there were also loads of cool times with friends who were really sincere of helping each other. I still remember there was once I survived few weeks with just biscuits and plain water, before my study loan was approved.

Biscuits and plain water, yaw.

How lucky I am, still, compared to the starving kids in Uganda.

I met Ika, happened to be the girl that I was totally into. It was like the 'first'-ahem-'true' love, went for like 6 – 7 months before she went away to a richer, better guy than a lame, fucked-up, miserable me who own nothing (at that time lah).

But I guess I owed her, really. Two years of getting over losses (or simply, her) really taught me on how to become the man I am today. Two fucking years, beat that.

The biggest step I took was probably when I decided to quit my studies and pursue my career with ROTTW mag in journalism. Without having much knowledge about journalism, I paved the road slowly. It was pretty hard, really. But I never look back. I never have been on the safe side, so I might as well get on with it.

I am indeed a fast learner; I can pick up things on the fly – the only quality that I can assure of. I learned on how to multitask things. Reviews, interviews, graphic designs, photography, dealing with people in the music industry like music labels and shit.. you name it.

Then I switched to a different company, different field – IT. Doing technical supports for IT related issues and stuff. And that, also, I did single-handedly without any related certificate. I learned from scratch, till now.

You see, I’ve never been on the safe side. I’m juggling risks, every fucking day. In almost anything. I just do it. Do it, or die trying, that’s it.

I am a “DO” person, rather than a “SAY” person. I’m not good at explaining things. In fact, I am worst at that. Say, if I love a person, I rather not to tell her that I love her. Well, okay, probably at some occasions, but not all the time. But I would do things, subtle things for her. Just a matter of time whether she’ll realize it or not.

Hell, I’m in love right now, really, madly, deeply do, and I don’t think she cares. So, fuck it.

I don’t even think she’ll read this post anyway. And I, don’t, care.

I got plans, great plans for my future. And I’m swimming with the risks right now. I got nothing to worry about. I will, once again, take another hop. I just need a bigger pan to fry more fishes.

And if I won’t be able to make it, I shall see you guys in the afterlife. Nigahaha.


Te doy mi todo, no pierdo nada – I’m going all out, I got nothing to lose, mafackas.