Monday, June 27, 2011

With Everything.

I made a list today, that from now on:

I'll try not to clutch the steering,

as I drive past through the places we've been fooling around all these time.

I'll try to burst into laughters,

to every jokes and weird things people shoved me, pretending that you're beside laughing frantically as much as I do.

I'll try to breathe as calm as a calf,

though I find it hard to breathe from the amount of cigarettes that helped me to ease the missing moments that keeps suffocating me.

I'll try to enjoy every meal,

though it is just a simple roti cheese and indomee goreng, and pretend that they're the best food in the whole world.

I'll try not to look at the clock

that reminds me of how I wish it could stop even just for a while, before you left. Or not to think about how long do I have to wait for you to meet you again.

I'll try not to smoke too much,

pretending that I'm leaving a decent amount of Winston Light for you later.

I'll try to sleep deeply as I can,

and pretend that this whole waiting thing is just a momentary dream, and I shall see your face when I wake up.

I'll try to smile,

and think about how you would carve your smile back at me the way you always do.

I'll walk in confidence,

and pretend that you're beside me, like you always do.

I'll to be strong for you,

for I know that it will eventually makes you strong, too.

So go on, spread your wings and fly, baby bird.

For I will be here waiting for your return home, while my heart will sing of your name, as always.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I've Yet To Have A T-Shirt That Says "USE ME" Printed On It.

I have been a mercenary for over these years.

You know, people who got paid to do anything. Only the part of getting the reasonable amount of money, in ratio of the effort I have given, had left me wondering.. of all the shit I got myself into, was it worth at all?

Sometimes, in the name of "urgency", we tend to forget that the people we are depending on for our matter of urgencies - they have their own urgencies as well that need to be catered, in order for them to work efficiently.

For instance, working on a monthly basis of hell of a workload, at times the person itself won't be able to survive (not to mention while having such burdens to get shitloads of things done) especially when they receive their "supposedly" amount of income LATE. And yet, their superiors keep on telling them, well, ironically 'reminding' them on how important urgency is.

And yet, an averagely motivated worker like me, would do anything to stay on the course by forking out every shit I have left, in order to serve the purpose for the company. There was even a time when I had to struggle of walking 5 kilometres (because my bike was thrashed and I got no penny left to spend for the repairing) while having a bad fever, for few days, before I was told by the boss that I was "useless" and "worth nothing", hence I should go home and fuck myself.

Well, I'm glad I took the right move, went home, and fuck myself up, figuratively before I went working with quite of a huge multinational company. Good thing was there was no dateline or whatsoever, so I was quite of a slummer, taking my time doing my job. Even that happened after give or take 6 months, when I realized that there was no use of working overtime while everyone else on the same level as you slumming around and got promoted, while you were doing THEIR job.

Well, they did at least gave a promise that I'll have my time anytime soon, just not at that particular moment, when in the end I found out that there was some sort of politics involved. For two years of dealing the same shit, I realized that it was not worth of the effort, not to mention I am practically damaging myself up working on variable odd shifts.

And having a part time income by doing band recordings at home is not a very good idea, if you are such a nice, yet pitiful chap who's trying to make small amount of money by helping small bands recording their early demos and singles for a very low price. And yet to be the sole contact point of blaming, because of the quality does not up to the par with international bands such as Green Day or Linkin Park who spent five hundred thousand dollars for a record, in a decent studio that has Pro Tools HD and shit.

Not to mention of being in a small-time band, that most of the band members including yours truly are not rich kids that have parents who would give them Gibson guitars, Mesa amps or Truth drumkits for birthday presents.

And not that I am being unreasonable, by blaming the people who 'sort of' gave me promises that I will be getting the respectable amount of money, IF there are jobs to be done. Sometimes you just have to face it, especially working in a company that provides services.

The equation is really simple. Customers = Money. No customers = you'll be having peanuts for dinner for the rest of the month.

But at least I put my best effort to show up (no matter what) in the workplace every day, and do whatever I've been told to do, at my best. In a position where a typical people would end up leaving the company that actually can even barely to pay the superior, just like that - I choose to stay. Because I have faith in everything I do; I would get the cheese at the end of the tunnel, whether it is rotten or not.

But apart from that, there's a part called appreciation, where people tend to forget or ignore. Appreciation is the least motivation for one who's desperately in need of an income to survive to do his job, which one of the rarest thing I have received throughout these years. At the very least, I hope that I won't look like a total jackass in front of the customer, from being humiliated by my own superior for not handing the right task, or doing anything right although I spent quite of a time learning and doing it.

And yet, with that faith I had in me, I choose to stay. Still.

If it happens that those people read my post, and saying that I am an asshole for putting up this post - I don't care, nor giving any amount of shit. I'd shrug happily.

I need a milo.

Monday, June 6, 2011


*AaaaaAAAaaaaachumbutopakhang!* *Snort*


Berabuk sudah blog aku ni. Lama sial tak mengepost benda-benda. Sibuk mengalahkan artis. Poketnya kosong jugak. Padan muka, siapa suruh buat kerja untuk orang free-free? Haa, kan dah kena gula dengan semua orang.

Aaanyway. Dah setengah tahun dah. Tahun depan 2012. Dah nak kiamat bak kata manusia-manusia yang dok terpengaruh tengok cerita Illuminati sana sini. Tah. Pedulik apa aku. Konspirasi la, konspirasu la. Macam la boleh bongkar semua benda dalam satu hari nak selamatkan dunia konon. Kuat berangan masing-masing. Banyak sangat tengok sci-fi, ha ni la dia. Copypastetag la banyak mana pun kat facebook, the world is coming to its end. For sure. So? Kau Tuhan la boleh tahu bila tarikh Bumi nak meletup.

Okay okay. Chill.

*Tarik nafas, hembus nafas*

Aaanyway, aku saja je nak post benda. At least ada entry. Silap-silap aku nak tukar nama ada "Evans" kat belakang, tumpang glamer Milano Evans apa benda tah nama dia.


Lantak pi la dia hai. Malas aku nak amik port.

Cuma, yang lawaknya dok perati komen-komen (rata-rata yang sebaya umoq dengan dia), fuih, maki hamun caci kemain lagi hampa noo? Lagi elok hampa pi carik dia bagi pisau suh dia kelaq tangan biaq mampuih teruih. Amboih-amboih. La ni hampa dok maki dia apa suma, ingat dia nak tukaq mindset la ni jugak ka? Dia tu budak lagi, akai pun besaq kuman. Apa pun dia takleh pikiaq mana baik mana buruk, biar pun dah berkati-kati jantan dia dah main. Dari hampa dok tabuh dia, baik nasihat dia. Anak kita esok lusa belum tau. Yang maki-maki pun (terutamanya perempuan), aku tengok ada jugak yang pakai gambaq siap nampak cleavage jadi default picture, macam mana dia nak amik port kat apa yang hampa dok cerita panjang lebaq kat wall dia? Memang nampak gayanya ada harapan besaq dia akan jadi Bohsia terhebat pada masa akan datang, alang-alang dah hampa semua dok tekan dia. Haih.

Dunia duniaaaa.

Okay okay. Chill.

*Tarik nafas, hembus nafas*

Eh, ni apahal aku boleh kena sampuk cakap utagha ni? Dasar budak Negeri Sembilan lupa gulai cendawan punya mangkuk.

Baiklah, sampai di sini saja giliran kira pada kali ini. Semoga jumpa lagi. Majulah Sukan Boling Padang Untuk Negara.

...are you lost, or incomplete?

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