Thursday, March 26, 2009

Regret?

I’ve waited for quite some time nak tulis benda ni. Hesitation, to say the least.

Regression.

Or regret.

Apa yang kita regret dalam hidup kita? From the first time kaki kita keluar ke dunia (mak aku cakap aku lahir songsang, sebab tu aku sengal) till the very moment, kita regret dalam banyak perkara.

“Apasal la aku beli baju ni, kan best kalau aku pergi Padini”

“God, if only I cud turn back time.. if only.”

“Monyosal den tak poie ahgi tu”

“Kenapa la I boleh suka kat you. Kan best kalau kita tak pernah kenal?”

Well, all of a sudden, we’d tend to put ourselves in thoughts, filled with ‘if-only’s, and starting to realize how stupid we are, for ‘letting’ that happened.

Aku mula fikir benda ni, particularly some time in the early July 2008. When I’ve decided untuk quit study, and proceed with life, let alone discover the hardway by myself. Terduduk, tekup muka dengan tangan, drifted away. Sunk deep into my own clouds.

“Ya Allah, betul kea pa aku buat ni? Is that it?”

Well, not boasting, but as a loner (my known fact) I can assure you that my innerself has become one of my greatest friends ever. Masa tu jugak, aku convo dengan diri sendiri.

“Menyesal? Perlu menyesal ke?”

Tu je pun. But.. honestly, it left me in the most inner sanctum of my own Pandora, only me, myself. Hmm. The question is, kau nak menyesal ke? Sebab kau tak pilih course yang betul-betul ko nak? Sebab kau ikut cakap orang masa decide nak apply apa? Sebab kau tak belajar sungguh-sungguh? Sebab asik sengaja nak distractkan diri dengan benda-benda bodoh?

“Perlu ke kau menyesal?”


Well, and that’s somewhere in July 2008. Now its nearly April 2009. That’s nearly 8-9 month already. Tempoh tu la aku mula mengenal apa tu hidup tanpa ada kawan-kawan kelas. Teompoh tanpa ada budak-budak seblok yang mengutuk dari belakang. Tempoh mengenal budak-budak band yang baru nak main muzik. Mengenal musician yang dah lama main muzik tapi tak berjaya pun sampai sekarang. Tempoh mengenal apa itu kawan SEBENAR dalam hidup, juga definite backstabber yang sgt lethal. Oh, tak lupa juga yang mahu berbaik dengan niat.

Now sekarang baru aku sedar seperkara, on why we SHOULDN’T even have the word REGRET exist in our diaries.

Kenapa perlu menyesal? Kenapa nak salahkan diri sendiri atas benda yang berlaku?

Everything happens for a reason (bombarding you with clichés), literally. For those who’re currently rolling their eyes, just wait. One day, it’ll come to you.

Aku bangga dengan diri aku sekarang. Aku tak sangka aku boleh achieve apa yang aku ada - Alhamdulillah. Seriously. I love myself, and always be. Life is never unfair, it’s just probably you who did not treat yourself right. Likewise your chastising youself, sakit, tapi nak buat lagi.

Buat apa?

Aku bangga aku quit study. Aku bangga aku berani fall in love dengan someone, and in the end, I’m mending myself lepas kena tinggal; and for like one and a half year terbuang just for me to get over her. Aku bangga aku jadi bahan cemuhan. Aku bangga ada orang kata “mamat ni memang takkan jadi manusia” (sebab aku tahu, aku akan buktikan dekat dia one day, just one day). Bangga untuk kata “Ye, aku quit, so what?”. Aku bangga untuk kata, ya, ni lah aku. Pembosan, asshole, broke, menyusahkan, and I’m proud of myself.

I have failed, so what? At least, I shot for something, and it missed. And still shooting. Someday, somehow, I’ll hit something. And when I do, I’ll hit it hard.

I love you. I love
each and everyone of you losers out there, I love you.


I love you.

8 comments:

Lutfie said...

tolong laaaaaa letak la gambar sikit sayang.gua malas gila siak nak baca kalau takdak gambar.boringgg

El Moe de la Rocha said...

gua takde camera mcm lu. lu kaya. haha

Nadia Nor said...

aku loser jugak! mau kata i love you juga boleh? haha XD
dan memang tak patut ada regret dalam hidup. kalo masih ada rasa regret, baik lagi pikir apa yang kena buat in the current time untuk membaiki dan memperbaiki apa yang patut.
(aku bercakap untuk diri sendiri!)

Anonymous said...

no regrets, pal.

i've quit my studies as well. lol! take other ppl like the late Lim Goh Tong (genting chairman)..he cant even speak english and speak broken malay..yet he was so successful.

for me, regrets are just stopping us from heading to the future. leave it and journey on with life!

El Moe de la Rocha said...

great one, gary. haha!

yeah.. why bother your life with regrets? haha!

and nad.. errr, ko loser ke? dun worry.. u'll be fine. :)

Nadia Nor said...

haha well *shrugs*

nah tag, buat arrr :

http://langitdanawan.blogspot.com/2009/03/tag-whats-in-your-wallet.html

Syafiq Saleh said...

cinta itu buta dan juga boleh membutakan

El Moe de la Rocha said...

bab yang boleh membutakan tu masalah tu. haha

...are you lost, or incomplete?

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