a kind of numb.

My mind keeps telling me that "everything should work out for you man, don't you worry"
keeps telling me, that "i'm but your best adviser at the worst of time"
that "you, my man, can count on me";

I'd say,
pretty much,
I've succumbed to my lying subliminal thoughts.

I insist,
on being the most stubborn, selfish jerk that i can hardly imagine i ever be, by doing that.

I inhale,
every bits of pain that i endure, and yet to, by trusting myself.

I weep,
most of the time. But not physically. And it fucking hurts, it does.

I fail,
in most crossroads i ever bumped into. Dodging for left when i'm supposed to turn right.

I mend,
most people in my life, giving them a bit of hopes and dreams, while i'm practically living in fear and failure.

I choose,
to let my love unrequited, let alone be discovered, when i know that it leads towards a massive heartbreaking blow.

I submit,
every single chance, to false hopes.

I walk,
towards the end of it all, when it is actually just the beginning.




My hands are numb now,
But my mind keeps telling me that "you shouldn't stop".

I can never tell, when,
will i ever get the chance to say, "fuck you, mind!".

Never.