I've Yet To Have A T-Shirt That Says "USE ME" Printed On It.

I have been a mercenary for over these years.

You know, people who got paid to do anything. Only the part of getting the reasonable amount of money, in ratio of the effort I have given, had left me wondering.. of all the shit I got myself into, was it worth at all?

Sometimes, in the name of "urgency", we tend to forget that the people we are depending on for our matter of urgencies - they have their own urgencies as well that need to be catered, in order for them to work efficiently.

For instance, working on a monthly basis of hell of a workload, at times the person itself won't be able to survive (not to mention while having such burdens to get shitloads of things done) especially when they receive their "supposedly" amount of income LATE. And yet, their superiors keep on telling them, well, ironically 'reminding' them on how important urgency is.

And yet, an averagely motivated worker like me, would do anything to stay on the course by forking out every shit I have left, in order to serve the purpose for the company. There was even a time when I had to struggle of walking 5 kilometres (because my bike was thrashed and I got no penny left to spend for the repairing) while having a bad fever, for few days, before I was told by the boss that I was "useless" and "worth nothing", hence I should go home and fuck myself.

Well, I'm glad I took the right move, went home, and fuck myself up, figuratively before I went working with quite of a huge multinational company. Good thing was there was no dateline or whatsoever, so I was quite of a slummer, taking my time doing my job. Even that happened after give or take 6 months, when I realized that there was no use of working overtime while everyone else on the same level as you slumming around and got promoted, while you were doing THEIR job.

Well, they did at least gave a promise that I'll have my time anytime soon, just not at that particular moment, when in the end I found out that there was some sort of politics involved. For two years of dealing the same shit, I realized that it was not worth of the effort, not to mention I am practically damaging myself up working on variable odd shifts.

And having a part time income by doing band recordings at home is not a very good idea, if you are such a nice, yet pitiful chap who's trying to make small amount of money by helping small bands recording their early demos and singles for a very low price. And yet to be the sole contact point of blaming, because of the quality does not up to the par with international bands such as Green Day or Linkin Park who spent five hundred thousand dollars for a record, in a decent studio that has Pro Tools HD and shit.

Not to mention of being in a small-time band, that most of the band members including yours truly are not rich kids that have parents who would give them Gibson guitars, Mesa amps or Truth drumkits for birthday presents.

And not that I am being unreasonable, by blaming the people who 'sort of' gave me promises that I will be getting the respectable amount of money, IF there are jobs to be done. Sometimes you just have to face it, especially working in a company that provides services.

The equation is really simple. Customers = Money. No customers = you'll be having peanuts for dinner for the rest of the month.

But at least I put my best effort to show up (no matter what) in the workplace every day, and do whatever I've been told to do, at my best. In a position where a typical people would end up leaving the company that actually can even barely to pay the superior, just like that - I choose to stay. Because I have faith in everything I do; I would get the cheese at the end of the tunnel, whether it is rotten or not.

But apart from that, there's a part called appreciation, where people tend to forget or ignore. Appreciation is the least motivation for one who's desperately in need of an income to survive to do his job, which one of the rarest thing I have received throughout these years. At the very least, I hope that I won't look like a total jackass in front of the customer, from being humiliated by my own superior for not handing the right task, or doing anything right although I spent quite of a time learning and doing it.

And yet, with that faith I had in me, I choose to stay. Still.

If it happens that those people read my post, and saying that I am an asshole for putting up this post - I don't care, nor giving any amount of shit. I'd shrug happily.

I need a milo.

Buuuuuuutopa...

*AaaaaAAAaaaaachumbutopakhang!* *Snort*

Haih.

Berabuk sudah blog aku ni. Lama sial tak mengepost benda-benda. Sibuk mengalahkan artis. Poketnya kosong jugak. Padan muka, siapa suruh buat kerja untuk orang free-free? Haa, kan dah kena gula dengan semua orang.

Aaanyway. Dah setengah tahun dah. Tahun depan 2012. Dah nak kiamat bak kata manusia-manusia yang dok terpengaruh tengok cerita Illuminati sana sini. Tah. Pedulik apa aku. Konspirasi la, konspirasu la. Macam la boleh bongkar semua benda dalam satu hari nak selamatkan dunia konon. Kuat berangan masing-masing. Banyak sangat tengok sci-fi, ha ni la dia. Copypastetag la banyak mana pun kat facebook, the world is coming to its end. For sure. So? Kau Tuhan la boleh tahu bila tarikh Bumi nak meletup.

Okay okay. Chill.

*Tarik nafas, hembus nafas*

Aaanyway, aku saja je nak post benda. At least ada entry. Silap-silap aku nak tukar nama ada "Evans" kat belakang, tumpang glamer Milano Evans apa benda tah nama dia.

Buuuuuuuutopakhang.

Lantak pi la dia hai. Malas aku nak amik port.

Cuma, yang lawaknya dok perati komen-komen (rata-rata yang sebaya umoq dengan dia), fuih, maki hamun caci kemain lagi hampa noo? Lagi elok hampa pi carik dia bagi pisau suh dia kelaq tangan biaq mampuih teruih. Amboih-amboih. La ni hampa dok maki dia apa suma, ingat dia nak tukaq mindset la ni jugak ka? Dia tu budak lagi, akai pun besaq kuman. Apa pun dia takleh pikiaq mana baik mana buruk, biar pun dah berkati-kati jantan dia dah main. Dari hampa dok tabuh dia, baik nasihat dia. Anak kita esok lusa belum tau. Yang maki-maki pun (terutamanya perempuan), aku tengok ada jugak yang pakai gambaq siap nampak cleavage jadi default picture, macam mana dia nak amik port kat apa yang hampa dok cerita panjang lebaq kat wall dia? Memang nampak gayanya ada harapan besaq dia akan jadi Bohsia terhebat pada masa akan datang, alang-alang dah hampa semua dok tekan dia. Haih.

Dunia duniaaaa.

Okay okay. Chill.

*Tarik nafas, hembus nafas*

Eh, ni apahal aku boleh kena sampuk cakap utagha ni? Dasar budak Negeri Sembilan lupa gulai cendawan punya mangkuk.

Baiklah, sampai di sini saja giliran kira pada kali ini. Semoga jumpa lagi. Majulah Sukan Boling Padang Untuk Negara.

SPM Oh SPM

Sempat jugak aku terpandang paper pagi tadi, heboh pasal budak-budak ramai gila dapat straight A tahun ni. Kawan adik aku pun dapat sama (tapi memang tak boleh dinafikan la, dia adik beradik semua otak sepesen, genetik genius belaka).

Cuma aku terfikir je la, dengan kelulusan dan pencapaian tahun ni yang gila babi tinggi, agak-agak kau orang la, kemasukan universiti tahun ni macam mana agaknya ya? Senang ke tak?

Maka di sini la kepala hotak aku merewang pasal mak bapak yang penat lelah ikut anak-anak mereka panjat jabatan pendidikan nak daftar anak masing-masing kat universiti yang top-top gitu. Ye lah, anak dapat straight A, takkan nak masuk kolej komuniti ye dak? Malu ah kat orang kampung!

Tapi dengan kemasukan yang begitu ramai, akan ada satu dua budak yang tercicir. Maklum la, anak-anak kampung yang takde connection dengan datuk datuk datin datin tersohor, terpaksa la bertungkus lumus cari line internet kat kampung yang masih ada lagi yang pakai ASDL, apply untuk scholarship, universiti tempatan, sebab mak bapak tak mampu nak biaya pengajian diaorang.

Untuk kalian, aku salute.

Dan kepada yang kompem masuk universiti tu (walaupun ada sesetengahnya dapat result yang aku rasa kalau kau apply masuk pusat latihan Giat Mara pun rasanya diaorang fikir sepuluh kali), sama ada guna kabel letrik ke, kereta kabel ke, sila jangan sia-siakan peluang yang kau orang dah dapat ni. Sebab kau orang untung, peluang yang kau orang dapat dengan mudah, ada ramai lagi yang sangap tak dapat apa-apa walaupun result dia orang gempak.

Dan pastikan kau orang paham dengan apa course yang kau orang ambik, sebab ada juga mangkuk-mangkuk (rasanya termasuk aku dulu kot) yang masuk universiti sebab dah takde mana lagi nak pergi/takde apa lagi nak buat. Main hantam masuk, sebab course pilihan hati tak layak, dapat pulak tiba-tiba course yang kau orang sendiri tak tahu amende tu. Lepas tu, blaja setengah jalan, give up. Lepas tu mengaduh macam takde masa hadapan.

Dan kepada mereka yang langsung tak dapat apa-apa, jangan khuatir. SPM bukan maksudnya kau orang akan bergelap sepanjang hayat. Tak masuk universiti tak bermakna kau orang ni sampah masyarakat. Jangan duduk termenung, mengenang nasib, menyesal sebab selalu keluar malam merempit dengan bohsia walaupun SPM tinggal seminggu lagi (yang ni tak boleh cakap apa, memang kau sengaja carik nahas). Bina balik kekuatan diri. Kalau mampu, masuk private college, apply PTPTN (walaupun chance kau nak dapat bukan mudah sekarang ni). MARA jangan cerita la. Kalau kau dapat, memang kau power (macam aku). Kalau tak rasa nak study, mulakan sesuatu dari bawah.

Aku tulis ni pun sebab buang masa yang terlebih, untuk budak-budak yang sibuk dok buzz aku pasal hal ni. Ni pun kalau dia orang baca la. Dah dah, pegi main jauh-jauh dengan result SPM kau tu.

_____________

At times I'd go and find an open field at night, and lie on it as I watch the open sky.

And wonder,

how does it feel to be lost in space.

Well, not to run away from things, nor escaping myself from something -

I just wanted to know how does it feel to stroll far away from the exosphere. Far into the cold, empty void.

A quest,

a test.

Feeling free from gravity,

that's always pulling me back to Earth.

Away from the scorching heat of the Sun.

Counting the glimmering stars, as if I'm transmitting waves back and forth.

Swimming through the rocky asteroids, as they slowly collide with each other.

To gaze the Earth from far far away.

And to just keep swimming, in the utmost exhaustion.

And to miss you from far.

And somehow, I will try to swim my way back

to you.

With everything I have left.

rainclouds.

i was once a 24/7 coward,

thought that i'd always savour my ride on a bike

in the rain.

a great escape from everything.

a total retreat.

a tourniquet for my unseen cuts and bruises.

counting thunders in the distant.

waiving my hand,

in the motion of air as they collide with my fingers

while emotionlessly speeding on a wet, slippery asphalt.

lost i was

in between million gazillion raindrops.

lost i was

in the gush of cold winds.

lost i was

in my own world;

in an open road, yet matteroffactly i was actually

confined in a small squared dead cell

lost, i was.

so lost, i even tried to convince myself,

that i'd be better off vanished in the wind.

when at the end of the road,

i'll be shivering in the wet and cold air.

alone.

at the end of the day,

a coward,

still.

looking back,

i am now bold and brave enough to carve a smile on my face,

or throw a laugh/grin/chuckle - anything cynical, whatever! -

at a memory that blooms only in the neverendingeverlasting autumn.

and for a moment,i had been bestowed

with a pure, geniune touch;

filled with 1001 emotions.

that brings me back to the ground,

back to the gravity.

a touch that diverts me from the gloomy fractions of thoughts

that made me forget that

once i've endured a period of moment i have

to close my eyes by the dusk of storms and thunders,

to hide myself from the lightnings,

and to wake myself up at the dawn of a calm, still morning.

and i've finally learned to unclench my fists,

that has been strangling me over the years

my own fists

that actually suffocate me without me knowing what was it.

for years.

i'm. finally. fine. i'm. finally. feeling. great. i've. never. felt. better.

finally.

man, i'm hungry.

Patience Is The Keyyyyyy!

Hari ni aku ada interview, tapi aku macam tak ready apa apa. Dress up pun macam sakai.

Patience is the keyyyyyy.

Sen takdak. Orang hutang aku tak bayar. Takat puluh takper la, kumpul-kumpul ada dekat ribu jugak lah.

Patience is the keyyyyyy.

PC aku jahanam. Nak buat recording takleh, nak update blog pun susah, nak tulis artikel pun susah, sampai kesian awek aku takde laptop, pinjam laptop dia. Aih.

Patience is the keyyyyyy.

Tapi takper, aku gembira. Because I choose to. :)

Patience is the keyyyyyy.

"Wait, patience is the keyyyyyy?"

"Ye ah, sabar tu separuh dari iman, ngok."

"Ohhh.."

Well..

Patience is the keyyyyyy.

Yo.

Looks like I need to create another blog page soon, for my.. uhm.. poetical posts. Till then, I'd continue using this one for any generic posts.

Blergh.