new muharram. new january. and a new chapter.

ppl wud always bombard each other with tonnes of cliches whenever new year's just around the corner.

lemme hint you one:
"apa azam kau untuk tahun baru ni dude?"

im no a pious ustaz, nor a good motivator, not even a good person. always am.

but i can tell that each one of us, may be even with just a slight thought, wud think the exact, or might-exact way: "i need changes for my new year. better."

well, apa yang diharapkan?


new clothes?
new cars?
new blings?
new guitars?
ok skip those 'things-things-things' thing.
new life?
new spouse?
new job?
new.. everything?

and if you ask me, hell i might say.. that i got no clues. totally.

well, i just want to have a better life.
definitely better.
with bigger shots.
and, stronger me.

strong enough to resist all (or as much as i can) those evil temptations to do bad things.
strong enough to ensure that i dont fuck other people's life up anymore.
strong enough to make everything (or again, almost) right.

that's all i want. only for now.





and yeah, to those who actually read this post, i'd say thank you, and wishing you a very happy new year. may the best of life be upon you.

:)

love and rezpecktttt,
-moe-

pegi la mamp...

of all the darkness lurks within
deep, deep
in this irresistable temptation of so-called-dream;

lies me,
tattered,
blind,
lost,
and torn.

gasping for hope,
reaching out for redemption,
crying out for salvation.

beneath those planes of miseries,
there's me

revolved by fogs, covered in fears.

tempting,
slowly
pulling me in.

deeper.
each and every damn seconds.

will i ever get the chance to see the lights again?
will i?












err, pebende ni. aku pun tak paham.

kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?

ok, few ppl already knew abt this. aku dah takde kat tempat keja aku lagi dah. capishe. ka-put.

and to tell you the truth, i have no idea what had happened.

it was fast, and blurry.

and certainly u have no idea of what had happened - to me.

yeah, its a mixed up of tons of heartbreaking moments, with a bit joyness. joy? yeah, why shud i frown over somthing that obvoiusly i.. somewhat.. can't afford to do it anymore?

no, aku taknak certia betapa torn-nya benda tu. it was a total, i repeat, TOTAL nightmare.





and yeah, aku sedih jugak sebab ada orang yang TAK PAHAM dengan keadaan aku, atau TAK NAK PAHAM LANGSUNG.


fuck la. why do i always have to be such a pain in the fucking ass to you, for im JUST BEING MYSELF?

yes, semua ada hal masing2. ye, tau. semua ada moodswing masing2.




you have no FUCKING IDEA of what had happened to me in these threee months. this FUCKING THREE MONTHS. i got this whole fucking complication that im not even sure how to handle myself. and thank god, to date, im still sane and im still seeing distinct colours with my both fucking eyes.

for once, i need someplace that can really let me scream loud enough, loud enough till i can go deaf for like 10 seconds. i need someone (at least) that don't even have to ask, "eh kenapa? kenapa?". i just need silentness, a good ear that listens to every single piece of words i spilled.

and yet why do i always have to be the cause of your misery? erk. everyone kept bombarding me with all those eh-dude-you-should-be-yourself-lah-dude bullshits, by when i become one, all of a sudden i felt that im such a fucking asshole to you? then tell me, what am i supposed to be?



am i selfish? i am, am i?

AM I?



god. im so pathetic. ish. emo betul la budak ni.

heh.




2009. cepat lah datang. i want to start a new life. a new chapter. real quick.

a short post, just to make sure that im still breathing.

dang, it's been a while since the last time i laid my thoughts on this blog.

DISCLAIMER: aku tgh high, tak betul melayang, more like im on LSD, sebab tgh demam. so, pardon me for my effing french. or spanish or whatever. kalau rasa bosan sila navigate diri anda ke myspace ke fb ke harakah daily ke whatever.

*coffing, nak muntah*

nothing much, just been pre'eiy busy, for the past few weeks. and perhaps few complications, too.

well.. lets start with this point:

went to UM last two weeks ago,
i think, for a stupid band audition, got lost, and that night i to went to bb, pickup the CD i ordered from Celine, lepaked with few new faces (not few acshly ramai jugak), hung out a bit (until like 5 am kot). esoknya, aku pergi bb, again, for the UOX gig. it was a happening one but sadly my boss told me that it was useless. argh. pape la.

*time-warping*

it was.. tuesday i think, balik seremban kejap with a quite light feeling as my mum balik dari mekah. yay. waited for her until 6am. balik umah, supposedly balik opis pagi tu, but i didn't, lepas tu kena sound dgn bos.

now here's the stupidest part.

petang rabu tu, rushing balik kl. hopefully can make it by night la, boleh setel keja kat opis. sampai PJ, ive realised that i left my KEYS (which includes kunci umah, kunci moto, kunci opis, yadayadayada) at home. seremban. phuck.

so i made my move, rush pegi cm, amik bas ke seremban, tension dgn tiket bas seremban yang makin mahal, tido jap sampai seremban, rush pegi km plaza, waited for my along to come and hand me the keys, got the keys, yay.

unnnnfoooorrrrrtunately, bas ke kl last pukul 9.15. that time, it was almost 10. dammit.

pegi je la ke komuter, hopefully i can make it on time, nak kejar putra lrt kat kl. i saw a ktm heading towards rawang, igtkan dia pause lama sikit sebab platform yang lain, so off i went to the snack shack, lapa.

tgk2 tren tu la yang aku tunggu. bodoh. tunggu lagi tren, last2 sampai kl around 12.30. lepas tu kena sound ngn bos "kata nak balik opis". adoi.

*time-warping*

saturday. rock the world, secret garden, stadium merdeka.

sampai booth lambat, sebab benda2 bodoh dan leceh. bangan betul. gila malu siot.. orang lain suma dah bukak booth, siap band dah main dah. ni baru nak setup mag, merch apa suma. gila sengal.

and the rest of the day, keja amik gamba je la. and greet peoples. it was phucking tiring, but ok kot. a bit in tense, still in control.

ahad, aku penat gila, bangun pukul 3 petang. fuh. lemah siot badan.

*time-warping*

now aku depan pc, tgh demam, and still working.

haha. kepada sumone yang cakap aku busy tu, this summary goes to you. hehehe.



gee, that was fast.

and i miss you, love.

Miles away
There's hopeless smiles brighter than mine
And I need for you to come and go
Without the truth falling out.

Old incisions refusing to stay
Like sun through the trees on a cloudy day.

Telephone
Socially scared and impaired
If the trees will bloom the wind can blow
Without the fruit falling out.

Feels like the wind blows
Holding you with us
She takes no other
False light and ashes,
Blooming like winter.

Dry eyes and cracked lips
Under the stone wall
Withdrawn and wishless.

You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
But I've waited for you so I'll keep crying out
Without You.

pffft. gaah. ergghh.

why do i always find myself stuck in such an awkward relationship?

ergh.
how i wish being alone wud be such a bliss.

f. f. and more fs.

muzik dan professionality.

ya, aku bertuah sebab dapat tgk andra and the backbones last saturday. banyak siot benda yang aku belajar, to be honest.

first and foremost, aku bukanlah peminat dewa, even tho aku pernah la jugak asik pasang satu dua lagu tu je dua tiga kali, but as for Andra and his mates, itu lain kes. boleh katakan, aku more towards Andra even tho dia dengan Stevi antara tulang belakang untuk Dewa jugak.

kenapa?

Hmm.. aku taknak elaborate pasal music dia sgt, sebab itu bukan isunya. mmg music dia ok, best. tapi aku tgk benda yang lebih jauh dari tu. jugak setelah aku berbual dengan mereka sendiri.

professionality, itu yang kebanyakan band kita tak ada sejujurnya. baik mainstream atau indie. bukan semua ya, not all, but most of us. trust me.

persaingan muzik di Indonesia, FAKTANYA, memang lagi pesat dari kita. itu kita tak boleh nak deny, sebab faktor geografinya, diaorang lagi ramai dan kawasan negara diorg besar. even tho aku still belum berpeluang nak tengok dengan mata aku sendiri, dah banyak kali aku menimba pendapat even dari yang berasal dari sana sendiri.

untuk menjadi yang terbaik antara jutaan band di sana, diaorang harus lakukan segala2nya sebaik mungkin. Steven And The Coconut Treez, even tho band tu takdela terkenal macam Perterpan, namun tetap ada tech dan roadie sendiri. even sound engineer. bayangkan. manager? tak payah cerita. lengkap. itu mungkin formula mereka.

masalahnya kita di sini (bukan masalah sangat, cuma keadaan tu), kita masih kurang persaingan. kebanyakan budak2 nak buat band sebab? nak popular. nak carik awek. sebab trend. sebab ramai yang dah ada band, aku pun nak jugak. well, tak boleh nafi ada sebab2 tu sebenarnya boleh pakai (mana ada org 100 percent jujur kat bumi ni kecuali para Anbiya' dengan sahabat2). tapi tak kesah la.. jangan sampai obvious.

ini.. bulan ni form band, buat dua tiga lagu, main dua tiga gig, dah rasa besar, lepas tu lima bulan, senyap. sejauh mana engkau rasa engkau serius nak bermuzik? ha.. bukan senang tau.

aku rasa la kan, kalau la keadaan ni terbalik, atau kita ni macam indonesia keadaannya, rasanya kita boleh maju kot LOL. bayangkan dalam keadaanekonomi yang kadang2 huru hara, mereka kena berusaha untuk jadi yang terbaik. hardship tu. bukan senang tau.

berbalik kepada andra and blablabla, dari apa yang aku tengok, aku cukup kagum dengan keprofessionalitian mereka.

sampaikan, satu tahap, bunyi buzzing/cracking sikit pun dah buat muka mereka berubah gila. nampak tak? kita.. bunyi pecah macam mana pun.. balun ajelaaaaaaaaaa. itu belum lagi cakap pasal guitar tech apa semua. (haha, aku pernah kena sound apa, "guitar tech? ko sanggup ke jadi macai orang? ish.. tak malu ke?" :p iklan.)

haha.

jadi, mana professionalnya kita? ukur sendiri. bukan maksud aku nak merendahkan sesiapa, aku pun dari tanah yang sama. cuma.. renungkan untuk kebaikan sendiri.

blaming god.

i just found out the news of what had happened at bukit antarabangsa (ye aku memang katak bawah teko), earlier today.

nothing much, as im not going to elaborate on it much.. yeah, have to bear the sensitivity of it. cuma aku nak cakap pasal apa yang aku pernah rasa masa tragedi tsunami tahun 2004 dulu, remember?

hmm, aku ingat lagi, that time ppl keep on coming with various speculations over it, ada yang kata ni bala tuhan la ni kemurkaan la, ni mesti penduduk kat situ lupa tuhan la n stuffs.. gettit? well.. don't get me wrong, aku tidak menidakkan perkara macam tu, as it is NOT for me to question it. cuma masa tu aku rasa la kan.. we are so desperately looking for reasons on the cause.

mula la keluar cerita pelik2, kisah2 pelik orang itu orang ini apa semua, which was some of them belum tentu terjadi. and thus, disebabkan cerita yang belum pasti tu, orang mula blame sana sini.

why dont we just.. put it in this way. everything happened for a reason. there's always two sides of everything. kita bukan hamba nak hukum sesiapa atas perkara yang terjadi. ya, mungkin, MUNGKIN antara sebabnya atas kemurkaan DIA, tapi ingat, kita bukan siapa nak tentukan sebabnya apa yang berlaku.

as if we're BLAMING HIM on what had happened.

wah.. sedar tak?

whatever happened, what ever it is, ingat, yang semua tu dugaan sahaja. dugaan dariNYA, untuk menguji kita. (bukan dugaan lagu Hujan tu)

apa yang pasti, muhasabah diri kita. tengok balik apa yang hitam apa yang putihnya belakang, kiri, kanan, depan, atas, bawah kita. :)

kepada mangsa-mangsa tragedi tersebut, takziah kepada anda. semoga sabar dalam menghadapi ujian, juga al-fatihah kepada yang terkorban. ALFATIHAH.

*blog ini ditulis tanpa ada niat untuk menyinggung sesiapa, harap maklum.

trust.

how do you define a trustworthy friend?

to tell you the truth, i have no idea. it seems that even the most "trustable" friend that you MIGHT think you can count on is the one who's potentially can stab you right in your ass. it seems like the one who has the most angelic face can seriously be the fucking devil to your own world. i've been in that, i've seen them, and i can tell that these fcukers are hard to trace anyhow.

as if there's actually no such thing as TRUST.

you will never meet someone with an actual pure sincere intention towards you TBH.

hmm.
well if there's no TRUST, how can you tell that FRIENDSHIP really exist?

through the flames and fires.

it has been quite a mixed up week for me, i must say.

i met some new cool friends, and trying to get ahold of few assholes (REAL assholes) at the same time.

i'm eased an twisted at the same time. yeah, pretty awkward, if you ask me.

just wanna say that i'm currently still sane. still. haha.

Maybe redemption is right where you fell.

Come and see,
I swear by now I'm playing time.
I against my troubles.
I'm coming slow but speeding.
Do you wish a dance and while I'm
in the front,
the play on time is won
but the difficulty is coming here.

I will go in this way,
and find my own way out.
I wont tell you to stay,
but I'm coming to much no more

"Me".

All at once the ghosts come back,
reeling in you now..
Oh, what if they came down crushing.
Remember when I used to play for
all of the loneliness that nobody
notice now.
I'm begging slow, I'm coming here.

Only waiting.

I wanted to stay.
I wanted to play.
I wanted to love you.

I'm only this far.
And only tomorrow leads my way.
I'm coming waltzing back and moving into your head.
Please.

I wouldn't pass this by.
I would take any more than what sort of man goes by.
I will bring water.
Why won't you ever be glad,
it melts into wonder.
I came in praying for you.

Why won't you run in the rain and play,
let the tears splash all over you?

bodoh. bodoh. bodohhh!

........................
great moe. whats next? hm?

that's right. u screwed. u screwed everything. fcuking asshole.

ARGGHHH!!