Surviving Office Life for Dummies.

Here's a list I did based upon what I had observed all these while, that I wud like to share with my fellow friends, especially to those who are still schooling, in college, some small guides for u guys bila dah kerja esok. Or for those yang dah keja, these might be some tips yang mungkin korg dah tauuu kot, so let this be a reminder to you, few things on what's and what's not to survive in the office life.

1. Lambat bangun? Late for work? Dah dah. Tak payah nak kelam kabut mandi, tak gosok gigi tak pakai deodorant. Kalau dah lambat tu lambat lah. Just focus on what kind of 'auta' stories u can possibly dig up to tell ur supervisors. Kalau kau jujur sgt, ckp je semalam lambat tgk EPL. Sebab tu aku bukan kaki bola. Pffft. Trust me, rushing equals to putting ur life at risk man. (look who's talking la, byk je parut eksiden ni, rushing punya pasal)

2. Monthly/Weekly/Annual Meeting. The terms itself sucks in many ways. Jadi, bagi mereka2 yang lambat ke meeting, pastikan anda bersedia dengan ekspresi yang terbaik BUKAN attire. Who gives a fuck abt what tie are you wearing, what cologne are u on, yada yada yada. Yang penting, keyakinan. Masuk je boardroom, sila pastikan ekspresi anda mampu mengungkap tanggapan "Wah gile otai mamat ni. Sardin je.. padahal dah lambat". NEVER PUT UP A GUILTY FACE. Kalau lagi terer, sapa je yang tenung kau, cakap je "apahal?". Kalau terer la.

3. Breaks - Be punctual. Jangan tunggu. Kalau break sharp pukul 1.00 petang, just go. Don't give a fuck abt "oh hangon, lemme finish this first". (But if its unsaved docs, just press the damn CTRL+S la dammit. Jgn sengal sgt. Karang blackout kang ko jugak menangis). Go out, grab ur lunch, finish up everything, and get ur arse back to the desk. Kalau ada colleagues nak ajak makan sekali, pergi dlu, duduk order baru tunggu dia, no need to drag and delay yourself, man.

4. Mengantuk ke? Easyyyyy. Either u want to do it the good way, or the bad way. Good way? Take a break, nap for like 5 mins, 10 or so, and convince urself that u are refreshed... fuck no. Well, kalau korg yang jenis tak kesah lunch, that whole 1-hour lunch tu sacrifice for a nap lah jawabnye. Surau is the best escape. And i did caught few of my colleagues did that in toilet. Hmm.. suka ti lah. mana lagi penting? Makan atau tidooo? Lu pikir lah sendiri.

5. Workload tak banyak? Namun mahu kelihatan yang anda sibuk? Tolak tepi facebooking, YMing, atau yang sama dengan temponya. Lagho tu suma. Cuba jalan2 ke meja rakan sekerja anda, mungkin bos akan melihat anda sebagai seorang pekerja yang sgt gemar membantu rakan2. Setidak2nya boleh eksesais, tak le membatuuu je. Or kalau kering hati sgt, blah je la. Gi sap rokok je apa ke.

6. Workload banyak?
.............
Apa lagi, BUAT LA KEJA, BODO!

7. Claiming OT. Kepada yang rasa dirinya layak, claim lah secukup rasa. Ada yang jenis, claim OT, padahal takde apa pun yang dibuat dalam ekstra hours tu. Takpe la.. mahsyar esok ko berjawab la. Hehe. But becareful, jgn la tajak sampai nampak sgt mengarut, org lain kerja penat2 mcm org gila OT sampai 5rat, ko kerja mmg nampak sgt lepak, toreh OT sampai 9rat, tak ke bangang? Komfem la kena decline, bodoh. Lepas tu boleh tanya pulak kenapa ye?

8. Company dinner, mesti pergi. Jangan tak pergi. Rugi. Diorg perah kau cukup2, keja penat2, now diorg nak bagi treat (eventho mungkin korg patut terima lebih dari tu) jual mahal pulak kau ye? Danggg. Just don't wimp out, malas la apa la. Ingat, tu duit korang jugak.

9. For those who are working in customer services fields, remember, YOU ARE WHAT YOU SPEAK. Kalau kau rasa kau tu bodoh, jangan menipu pelanggan kalau ko tak tau certain2 info pasal product/system/etc. Kalau nak menipu sgt2 pun, pastikan anda menipu dengan yakin.. cakap dengan 'pedon'. Tapi kalau kena fire balik ngn customer tu, padan muka lah. And one more thing, senyum itu sedekah, jadi, senyum selalu lah ye, even tho korg bercakap dalam phone. Takde org nak kata kau gile de bercakap senyum sorg2 kat phone. Ooo, kalau on the phone ngn kekasih, pintal2 rambut pun mampu. Ni kerja, carik makan, pun malu? Total waste.

10. Relationship with colleagues, kena jaga. Especially yang baru masuk opis, jangan jadi kera sumbang. Be friendly - that's ur fucking teammate, biatch. Kau tu bukan pandai sgt, karang apa2 masalah kang meraban. Or, if ure happened to be a smartass, sila guide rakan2 anda yang masih terkial2 nak buat kerja. Jangan kedekut ilmu sgt. Kang suma pulau kau kang, mula la buat status2 emo kat Faceebook. Dodol betul. Racist? Tu lagi la bangang.

11. Relationship with bosses, OMs or other managers.. that.. is uhm, i dunno. I don't condone the act of asskissing the upper folks, but all I can say is that, be moderate. Takyah nak mengampu sangat. Sebab diorg mampu tengok performance kau, kalau kaki ampu tu senang sgt nak kantoi. Tolonglah, ni bukan zaman drama Melayu era 90-an. Tapi, at least do have some respect in them (even tho korg rasa korg cukup superbest dan diorg tu bungko), ada sebab kenapa diorg tu dipilih menjadi leader. Kalau kerja korg best, cantik, performance wise bagus, InsyaAllah, rezeki tu takkan kemana. Be cool. Ish ya Allah, geli betul aku ngn kaki pengampu ni. Rasa cam nak sepak ngn penyapu.


Hmmmm.
Tu je la kot for now, to be continued. Ada banyak je lagi ni, tp nanti la dlu. Sape je nak baca pun anyway. :p

....If aku rajin. Hahaha. Bosan ni.