"Ore waaaa Moe desu, yoroshikuuuuuuh!"

Ada la satu petang yang hening, aku kat No Black Tie, Jalan Changkat. Tu pun lepas aku rimas dapat dua tiga call dari manusia yang berbeza (punyalah nak tunjuk yang aku ni ramai sangat nak call, poodah!), ada lagi satu nombo DiGi call aku.

Begini ceritanya:

"Assalamualaikum, dan selamat petang Encik Mohhhammad Fairuzz Hussssaini bin Kammaruddin" (gile dia punya idgham ma'al ghunnah nak sebut nama aku, abis arab la tu?)

"Err.. waalaikummussalam, ya saya?" (aku time ni mula la fikir kawan aku dok buat prank call, so aku jawab macam pukimak sikit, juga dalam mode berhati-hati)

"Okay, saya dari pihak Maybank ingin bercakap dengan encik (nama aku lag, malas nak tulis), tentang.. penggunaan.. credit card encik ye. Kami cuma nak memastikan bahawa encik sudah menerima credit card anda, betul?" (okay dia dah mula formal, so ini bukan prank call dari Manja. Nada, normal)

"Ye betul. Kenapa ye encik?" (ececeh, formal kolar putih la konon)

"Okay, saya nak pastikan yang encik ambil card tu dari bank atau dihantar kerumah?"

"Saya ambil di bank.."

"Okay, jadi saya nak pastikan nombor credit card encik, sama dengan nama yang encik daftarkan untuk credit card tersebut (sebut nama aku lagi), benar ya?"

"Err.. ya?"

(Dan selepas beberapa lama dia convince aku nak confirm nama aku dengan card, letih sial nak layan mamat ni, he came out with a line yang buat aku agak alert sikit)

"Boleh encik Fairuz bacakan nombor yang tertera di atas kad anda?"

"Err.. kenapa ya encik?"

"Tak ada, macam ni encik Fairuz ya, kami cuma nak memastikan yang credit card tersebut benar-benar berdaftar di atas nama encik.."

"Oh.. tapi saya dah buat tiga empat kali purchase dengan kad ni, online dengan offline, semua masuk je dalam account saya. Nak kena reconfirm lagi ke?" (time ni aku dah mula bau-bau bacang dah)

"Ya, kami kena pastikan semula, takut ada kesilapan di dalam sistem akaun kami ya encik Fairuz..." (decent gile mamat ni)

"Kesilapan? Oh okay.. hmm.. tapikan.. bukan ke kalau pihak bank nak tahu, mereka boleh check dalam sistem registry? Kan ada active directory, boleh simpan semua transaction data dengan maklumat akaun?" (ceeewah, aku saje je shoot dengan terms gempak sikit, konon power ah tu)

"Oh, tidak ye, macam ni ye encik Fairuz.. bla bla bla (dia ceramah aku pasal penerangan apa lancau tah) dan kalau benar-benar terbukti yang kad ini kepunyaan encik Fairuz, kami mahu pastikan keselamatan encik terjamin dan tidak terlepas ke tangan orang lain"

"Oh.. tapi.. jap, encik dari pihak bank kan, kenapa call dari nombor DiGi?"

"Ya, sebab kami ya encik Fairuz (rajin gila ulang nama aku macam tu, nak address encik tiap kali) kami menggunakan talian DiGi business plan ya" (adoiyai, gila kedekut Maybank punya call center pakai mobile plan? Lawak. Takde duit dah ke nak bayar TM?)

"Okay, tapi kenapa perlu minta number dari saya? Kalau encik dari pihak bank, mesti encik boleh detect transaction saya, itu pun mesti valid, kalau takde clash dalam sistem"

"Ya, tapi polisi kami, biasanya kami tak simpan number kad encik dalam sistem, biasanya kami akan padam selepas kami dah configure akaun pengguna kad..." (dia sudah mula memecah tembelang sedikit demi sedikit)

"Delete? Kenapa? Kan ke payah kalau delete, pastu nak call balik? Plus, kalau encik delete, bererti encik delete la data pengguna saya sekali, confirm saya tak boleh pakai sekali. Kalau encik nak mintak saya, baik check kat AD je?" (nailed!)

"Oh tidak, kami cuma lakukan perkara tersebut demi keselamatan. Dan selepas pengesahan, kami akan hantar lagi satu bonus card untuk kegunaan harian encik.. juga ada banyak keistimewaan yang ditawarkan" ( yang langsung takde kena mengena langung ngan Maybank. Pastu dia bukak cerita pasal privilege card apa bende tah. wait, privilege card? Woi! Kau ni ajen bank ke ajen pelancongan?)

"Oh ya? Tapi concern saya sekarang ni, kenapa perlu beri nombor? Dan mesti kad privilege tu ada cas tambahan, sampai nak mintak nombor macam tu sekali? Saya bukan apa, sebab saya nak tahu je, saya pun kerja buat SAP account, kerja dengan transaction apa suma.." (again, trying to sound gempak lidat wooo)

"Ohh.. itu kerana (dia duduk ulang balik statement sebelum sebelum), tak apa, kalau begitu, kami check dengan data entry kami, nanti kami call balik ya? (oh, ada pulak? Tadi kata dah delete?) Assalamualaikum encik Fairuz!"

"Waalaikummusalam".

*hung up*


U'VE BE3N PWNED, MOTH3RFUCK3R!!!

Man, I am awesome. At least, I felt awesome.

Buahahahaha!

So, korang, beware. Jangan senang-senang bagi maklumat akaun kat random call. Sebab tu bank data entry sistem tak selonggar yang disangka. Takkan sewenang-wenang dia nak call pakai random mobile number pastu mintak maklumat. Smart plan, my ass. Fuck you heaps.


"Ore waaaa Moe desu, yoroshikoooouuuuuuh!!!" (dengan tone anime watak Onizuka Eikitchi)

Ye, sila bayang aku project dialog tu dengan nada yang betul.

"Now, to define love.."

Man this is such a random post.

A slide thought that crossed me while I was driving through the highway. Especially after I had a phone call from a.. quite close friend of mine, about his relationship with his girlfriend that is currently on the edge.

To tell you the truth buddy, I don't really have much to say, nor knowing what to. In fact, I couldn't lay any line especially after you asked me, "If she loves me so much, how could she possible did that stupid thing in the first place? What is love, anyways?"

My, my. Gila bunga sial ayat kau. Nasib baik kau belanja aku nasik campur aritu.

Well, love.

The cheekiest topic of all. "Geli" - some might say that. "Apa barang doh" - that, too.

But that's what makes the world go round, that's what most of us believed. Of course, you wouldn't be reading my crappy posts right now if you weren't born. And in order for you to do so, I'd probably say that love brought your parents together and.. you know, hence, your existence.

Do the math, lancau.

Now if you ask me, brother, "what is love" - woo, man. That's quite mind-torturing.

How ironic that most of my closest friends would come and consult their love issues with me, while I was pretty unsure whether I could be a saving grace in order to keep them sane from time to time. And not to mention, I do spin on my own axis of issues as well, including that four lettered word.

The word that drove most people crazy. Makes the world go round. Whatever.

Dude, Love, is indefinite. Indescribable. Immortal. As simple as that, probably. But to define the root cause of it would consume loads of time for the explanation.

Funny how some people would say, "He confessed to me! Geez! Imma try and see how far we can go from here". "I met a girl few days ago, and she asked me out yesterday. Dude, she's fucking hot, mind you. Oowyeah." Which, in essence, they're trying to convince in a summary: I'm in love weh!

Wise.

But yeah, like I said, it is indefinite.

You can love a person from far, even though she might not know that you even existed at the very least, that is love.

You'd do whatever it takes to make her happy even if she's with someone else, knowing that you won't be getting anything in return, that is love.

You might be the wisest son of a gun of all time, but whenever you're with someone that clearly you had your feeling with, it's like there's a switch that can turn you to be a dumbass in just one simple flip, and do whatever she tells you to do. That is love. Stupid, I might say, but it is.

You'd shut yourself up whenever she talks about unimportant, unnecessary things, or about someone that you don't even give a bloody flying letter F, but still, you're paying attention like that's the most important thing, that matters the most to you. That is love.

You shield yourself when she said something that hurts you like shit. That is love.

You'd drown into the sea of wrong with a t-shirt that prints "I am Mr. Right", even though everything she said is utter nonsense. That is love.

You'd sacrifice your times willingly just to make her happy, and for the sake of having her, that is love.

You'll stay on the course, even if it leads you to nowhere, as long as you can be with her (in the event of requited love shit) until the day she will personally tell you to fuck off. That is love.

You'll risk yourself, to be hurt in the end, and to bear the consequences after, that is love.

....ohh yeah, I just showered you with cliches. Tell you what? Nevermind those bullshits, dude.

But mind you that love, is not like some chemistry projects that you can experiment on. You can't go on with a person on a "we'll see what happens next" basis. That is, if you're asking me from my POV. True, que-sera-fucking-sera. But that depends on how you maneuver it.

It takes time to tie up the bond. And actions.

I'm not fond with words, I am a man of actions, I'll do whatever it takes to do to stay on the board. And I might swallow those bullshit lines above as my creed. But that's just me.

So as for you buddy, next time if you feel like getting it on with someone, think. And show some balls while you're at it. Not literally lah bodoh.

Tengok, kau buang masa aku lagi. Nasib baik kau belanja aku nasik campur.

Now, if I got your question answered, excuse me. I need my sleep now. 'Ta.

Skidmarks and Bruises

Things had been quite adventurous for me, albeit peculiar on some occasions these past few weeks after Raya.

Weird, yeah, for instance, I just got myself fined for traffic violation yesterday - a ticket worth of RM300. And I don't feel shitty, at all.

Officer: Did you know that you've just crossed the red light? *pointing*

Me: *Shrug* I guess so.. Yeah.

Officer: Well, can I issue you a ticket then? *smiling*

Me: Sure, do. *smile back*

Officer: Thank you.

LOL.


Like I give a flying fuck.


I am near broke utter honestly, and yet somehow, I am not feeling depressed or stressed out et cetera - like a normal person SHOULD, over that.

But hell, I am indeed, not.

I must be out of my mind. Either that, or I need to get my ass kicked.


Okay, I think I need to get my sleep now.

On the other hand, I'd like to shout this out loud: fuck you world, I am now against you. I'll paint you black, with Nippon paint.

A short post just to show that I am still alive and kicking.

I am happy as fuck.

Period.

Thank you.

Nguhh.

Sesungguhnya aku tengah mamai, baru bangun tido. Petang2 raya ni kan? Ish ish ish. Orang lain sibuk mengemas, gua sibuk layan mata.

Just received a phone call from my dad, glad to know he's aight. On the way ke Kota Bharu katanya.

Petang raya? Wow. Lantaklah, as long as dia happy, okay la kan. At least.

Dan aku jeles, sebab aku kalau boleh taknak beraya kat Seremban. Aku nok raye ganu!!

I mean, yeah. Whatever. Let bygone be bygone.

This is what raya is all about pun kan? Forgiveness. Sebulan kita mencari keampunan dengan Tuhan, dan kini tiba masa kita untuk mencari keampunan dengan sesama manusia.

Have fun, dad. Love you.

On the other hand, banyak benda nak buat lagi ni. Oh yes, masak rendang. Now what the hell am i doing right now? Blogging via phone? Behehe.

Okay, aku berhenti merapik. Till then, have a blast raya everyone! I love every single one of you. :)

Testing. Via phone.

See if this is going to werk. Weehoo.

Posted via phone.

Ini bukan post pasal Illuminati. Pfft.

Saje je aku post tajuk mcm tu.

Sebab aku dah muak dengan banyak post recently. Kalau boleh, ketupat pulut pun dia nak kata Illuminati sebab bentuk dia segitiga. Apsal kau tak defy sejarawan negara, kau cakap la tanjak tengkolok Zaman Kesultanan Melayu Melaka tu bentuk apa? Bujur?

"So no more Toblerone for you, kid. That's fucking Illuminati".

Come on people, believe it or not, those Illuminatus, they have been there for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. Kau nak buat apa? Even kalau kita bersatu nak menentang pun, you can't stop the clock from ticking towards the destruction of the world.

Aku malas nak bukak cerita pasal Freemasonry even tho aku pun lama gak kaji pasal bende ni, way before orang kecoh pasal The Arrival, itu pun untuk pemahaman sendiri. Bukan nak kata aku cool (even tho aku memang cool pun, so fucking what), cuma aku rasa, I got things to do with my life, rather nak spend masa kaji bende yang takkan habis sampai bila-bila.

Nak tahu, tak salah. But to exaggerate sampai mcm tu sekali... my goodness. Kau nak anti Yahudi, PC kau pun pakai Intel. Datang dari mana Intel tu?

Sebab tu aku kata; nak tahu, tak salah. Tapi jangan taksub gile.


Enough of that.

Entry aku ni sebenarnya takde apa pun, mungkin saja nak mengupdate sebab lama dah tak merepek kat sini.

Few issues sejak kebelakangan ni buat aku rasa restless. Ditambah pulak ngn ke-FML-an yang melanda, buat aku rasa.. tah.

Aku mulakan dari point ni - Salleh Gregor Samosa (tu ke nama dia? mcm sedap je, haha. Ke Samsa? Lebih kurang la kot), about his recent post pasal puasa. Erm, atheist katanya. Takper lah. Itu pegangan dia kan, nak buat macam mana.

Cuma, kau nak gebang pasal betapa coolnya engkau menjadi atheist (Melayu ke tidak, ntah, aku peduli apa pun), that's a bummer. Kau taknak puasa, suka hati kau lah. Tapi jangan gebang, pastu kutuk orang yang berlumba-lumba nak cari diri, mengenal Tuhan.

Engkau nak bangga jadi Atheist, go ahead. Dan pasti engkau pun bajet nak punya freedom of speech sendiri, betul? What about the other's FOS? Kau tak boleh nak marah kalau orang panggil kau kafir laknat, sebab diorg pun punya hak untuk bersuara.

Aku ramai je kawan Melayu yang atheist, dan terang-terang aku gelakkan diorg depan muka.

Kebanyakannya diorang ni kononnya menempuh hidup yang susah, sampai satu tahap diorang berfikir - ada ke Tuhan ni? Kalau Dia maha penyayang, kenapa hidup aku fucked up sampai macam ni? Well, termasuklah Mr. Samsa (saje aku adress surname dia, baru lah cool macam mat saleh, yo!).

Yang kelakarnya, most of them ada kereta, baju cantik-cantik (aku pun shopping baju 6 bulan sekali wie!), boleh pegi mabuk kat Jalan Changkat every week. Susah apa ke lancau kau? Kat BersamaMu TV3 ada satu family makan siput babi rebus, ada diorg rasa apa yang kau rasa?

Semua ada masalah. Tapi dia lupa. Lupa rasa penyayang Tuhan tu macam mana. Rasa oksigen yang tiap2 hari dia inhale exhale. Lima deria rasa kat lidah dia tiap kali dia kunyah burger GCB kat McD. Itu contoh paling mudah albeit quite lame, tapi dia tak fikir pun.

Kau masih ada kawan, tak hidup sorang pun. Siap tolong belanja makan kat umah dia sebab korang sama-sama tak puasa, tak ke penyayang Tuhan tu, at least? Dan apa kau balas? Oh lupa, kau tak percaya apa lancau pun.

Aku pun getir jugak hidup aku. Tapi pada aku, itulah masanya aku dapat rasa siapa diri aku, siapa yang cipta aku. Walaupun aku tahu amalan aku bukan tahap alim ulama', tapi aku cuba untuk jadi yang terbaik, sebab aku tahu bila hidup dah senang, bukan susah nak mula lupa diri. Jadi time susahlah, aku doakan agar diri aku sentiasa lekat pada jalan Dia, termasuklah bila aku senang nanti.

Hipokrit? Mungkin, tapi aku kenal diri aku, dan aku tahu nawaitu aku. Ooh, pal. It's not as easy as it seems. Tahap FML aku ni, kalau tak kuat, memang boleh dah nak hilang pendoman, macam kau.

Hidup, kewangan, kawan, keluarga, hati - semua aspek beb. Semua macam haram rasa dia.

Tapi, sebenarnya, kita tak nampak. Behind all these, apa ada cahaya. Macam gerhana, takkan gelap sentiasa. Hati kau, gelap macam mana pun, masih ada putihnya. Melainkan kalau kau yang nak hidup kau macam tu.

Sebab aku tahu, aku punya agama. Aku punya Tuhan, which is Allah. HE is everything, to me.



Dan kepada yang bukan seagama dengan aku, tak kira siapa, aku pasti, korang jugak tahu apa rasanya punya deity untuk korang submit diri korang bila korang lost. Kristian ke, Buddha ke, Hindu ke, sebab kita manusia. Ciptaan. Bukan supreme being. Banyak defects nya. Dan aku hormat akan pegangan masing-masing. Takde sebab untuk aku anti sesiapa pun. Fitrah manusia, perlukan pegangan.

Dan aku, aku rasa bertuah sebab aku punya agama aku. "Bagimu agamamu, dan bagiku agamaku." - Al-Qur'an, 109:6.


Namun kepada yang tak percaya tu, uhm, well, good luck with your life, dude. Cuma, jika kau rasa kau nak diterima oleh society, sila jangan jadi asshole.

Sebab dengan entry kau yang kononnya melawan arus tu (rebel equals coolness, my ass) tak gempak pun. This is not America, dude. There are thousands who would love to kill you, in the name of God, especially when they felt threatened. And you can't blame them, sebab pada mereka, darah kau halal.

Till then, just.. tone it down, will you?

Macam aku, senang je, aku hanya mampu doakan, suatu hari esok, kau akan flat to the floor, and all your thoughts will revert to only one source. ONE. In short, hidayah akan sampai ke hati kau, sebab DIA maha penyayang. Dan kau akan kenal siapa pencipta kau. Seperti yang aku dah pernah alami. :)

Baik kan aku ni?