hmm. weird.

sometimes i imagine myself,
lying down on a beach,
having my skin to be part of the sands.
in the still of one fine night.

calm as a total coma,
staring at the dark skies, watching the clouds goes by.
pointing and counting the stars that left behind.

no streetlights. no honks of vehicles. nada.

just to feel the breeze crashing over me, leaving me trembling with my own breath converging with the silent air.

no incoming texts, no phone calls. nada.

imagining what would it be if the world still spinning black, without having a chance to see the lights again.

no voices, no laughter. nada.

to feel the saltwater slowly hitting my feet. where as for the moment, i forget about sweat and tears.

as if those words that i've been keeping to myself,
comes out along with my breath,
spiraling and binding me to the ground like chains.

i will keep myself still.
throughout the night.

when i will finally succumb to the waves and the sands.
before i could see the daylight ever again.

such a beautiful demise,
a beautiful end of it all.


well, my imagination is killing me.
sometimes.


dah la. pi tidok. sok keja.

Honey is for bees, silly bear.

i randomly put on FOB's Folie A Deux CD on my way to office this morning, and as usual the track "Lullabye" played first. (It's a bonus track, and undetectable if u're playing on a normal CD player).

it's a nice acoustic track to be honest, with cute lyrcis. kalau nyanyi kat awek kompem cair. but what matters is that, the words itself somehow point me out to something, after few weeks of getting this crappy heartache when i woke up every single morning.

"Aku immortal, but yet everyday aku mati.
Tiap tiap pagi aku akan bangun balik, with this excruciating pain in my chest", sez Ika.

I hear you weh.

Its not easy bear that kind of pain, especially at the very first blink on every morning, when you're hoping that it will be better than yesterday. but at least she made sense by saying "pejam mata and think about the most beautiful thing in our life".

which is true in a way. well, most ways.

no matter how tough the going gets, we've got to do our best to stay tougher.

even by the least, simple act, like "pejam mata and think about the most beautiful thing in our life". cuz by the time you know it, you'll be falling asleep again.

and as the song "Lullabye" goes with the chorus:

"When you wake up,
The world will come around."

:)

the wind felt so peculiar tonight, and i wonder why.

It does felt weird,

When you're surrounded by people, yet you felt like everyone else is just illusions.
Every image is just plain silhouette.

When everything you touch turns into water, flown into different colours.

When the odds are against you, no matter how much you roll the dice.

The amount of oxygen you inhale, exceeds the amount of carbon dioxide you exhale.

You kept losing your voice as you speak,
not so long before you realize you're actually out of words.


...
I wonder why.

A Special (and probably short..) Entry. :)

It's been twelve years, more than a decade i've known her. Probably the longest great friend I ever had.

Been thru different phases together: Primary, Secondary, College, till where I am now.

Cartoon, sketch books, manga, games, Final Fantasy, Limp Bizkit, Too Phat, Linkin Park, kad raya (yang jarang sangat aku balas, sebab aku ni memang pemalas no 1) - things we shared/discovered throughout the process of growing up. Banyak lagi, mungikin sampai aku pun lupa.

Banyak sangat bende pasal aku yang dia tahu.
And yet, aku tak sure whether aku tau banyak mende pasal dia the way she knows about me.

Banyak sangat bende yang aku buat, which aku rasa banyak kali jugak la aku hurt dia in some ways.

(And i am truly sorry for what ive done. I know how shithead i am, and can be)

But above all, i must admit, banyak jugak la good times and good things we've been.

Salah seorang dari very few people yang sangat baik hati, positif, intelligent, tak slow, and talented pernah aku kenal dalam hidup aku.


Oh shit, i gotta make this quick, sebab Manager tgh round satu office.


This post, is definitely goes out to you, NADIA NOR BT AHMAD TAUFIQ.



HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY.

May HE bless you my friend, and bless us all.

:)

*sila embed Miyavi - Dear My Friend/Tegami Wa Kaku Yo dalam kepala ketika anda baca post ini kthxbai. XD




dessert bite: sorry weh sebab aku tak sempat nak crop, and takde gamba dalam facebook ko yang lebih decent dari nih. hahaha. :p

Bent.

I dare not to look into your eyes;

and I don't need words from you
to describe all the pains

that has been lurking in it.

I choose not to speak,
let alone the breeze that came into the window while we were on the road
to engulf you in the moment of silence.

I choose not to wipe your tears,
for the winds will dry it for you.

And to let those balmy street lights passing by drift you to sleep;
where finally you can unclench your fist,
And exhale everything that has been blocking you.

While I, on the other side, will keep myself awake.
Trying to find the courage to whisper these verses into your ears;

"When you felt like the world is all black and white to you,
I'll paint your names everywhere,
with variety of bright colours."

"I do not posses the power to turn water to wine,
but I shall turn your tears to joy."

"And I shall carve your name in me,
to remind me that I'll bear the pain, your pain, everywhere."

Such oath, that can never be broken, til the day
I will finally vanish in the wind,
Like the smoke that comes out
from the burning cigarette on your hand,
eventually will disappear by the window.

Such struggle
To commence a new beginning for you.
A new chapter.
A new dawn,
A new day.

And for that,
I will keep myself painting, bum.


:)

on the other side..

my sis keeps telling me that i should stop sucking up to people who only takes the best out of you.

sucking up, aye?

well, probably yeah. or as a twist, pleasing them would probably the relevant term.
i just can't help it (even by the repetition of that phrase), it is safe to say i am, indeed, a YES man.

here's the deal:

how will you please a mother, while you're tangled up between the real vastly-spinning mutha-fucking world, whereby you have to make ends meet to survive, and at the same time, un-neglect her.

how will you please your bloodlines, to help them whenever in need, while you yourself still getting ahold of loadsa things.

pleasing people that you would consider as families, while the truth of actually you being manipulated, to do things for them, most of the time, for fucking free.

pleasing the one you love, but at the same time, you will be in the sorest state of life.




betcha won't have no room to please yourself, let alone to have ppl to please you the way you did to them. so, scrap that.




i bet John Ondrasik has his own point when he wrote his "Superman" song ten years aback approximately.




don't worry. i love every single one of you, still. :)


dessert bite: oh yeah. i just had a good friend, among friends yang paling aku sayang, who FINALLY came up with a simple line: "tak abes abes". see? how easily ppl wud get annoyed with me, even the closest ones. takpelah yeh. sorry kalau post2 aku selama ni buat kau menyampah. aku igt, aku pegang sampai bila2 kata2 kau, sampai aku mati. :)

When u can even grin while everything around u seemed just as depressing.

Sebelum aku memasukkan entri aku abt the trip to Indo, aku nak post this. A song introduced (re-intro actually, sebab aku lupa lagu ni) by Ashroff from Stonebay. Nice. Buat aku rasa nak patah2kan neck Stratocaster dalam bilik aku tuh, kasik jari sampai lebam. :)

six numbers, one more to dial
before I'm before you
I tried to call
been busy all night
gave up waiting at daylight

excuse me Mrs. Busybody
could you pencil me in when you can
though we both know that the worst part about it
is I would be free when you wanted me
if you wanted me

ohhhhh...
I am the man on the side
hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
life as the man on the side

one of the many
one of the few
to stand back and wait for you

excuse me Mrs. Busybody
could you pencil me in when you can
though we both know that the worst part about it
is I would be free when you wanted me
if you wanted me, if you wanted me

ohhhh...
I am the man on the side
hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
Life as the man on the side
Life as the man on the side

I fell in love with the dream that I built of you
playing the part of the queen
taking my own advice
I'm giving up tonight
good luck to you and the king

excuse me Mrs. Busybody
could you pencil me in
though we both know that the worst part about it
is I would be free when you wanted me
if you wanted me, if you wanted me

ohhhhh....
I am the man on the side
hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
life as the man
you know life as the man
living life as the man on the side

Mr. Mayer, you are the man.