"apsal ko takde awek eh?"

hmm.. why eh?

i dun even know the answer is. after a longgggggggg ride from kl to seremban last night, well, not that long pun, along the lonely (cuz i cant barely see any cars pun) highway, that kept me thinking of these, few things.

apsal ek?

"ko keja2 macam ni mesti senang nak tekel awek punya moe", said Nizam (yes, from that group called OAG).

"hotak ang, kalau tak aku tak sorg2 camni je. haha".


........
hmm..

well, i think.. it is bcoz

a) my job. yeah.. suma cakap "eh dude, ur job is cool waaaaat". yeah. mmg la cool. best. seronok. seronok, if i got enough time la. like, im always in a rush. jangan kata utk org, utk my mom, i dun even have a decent time for myself. boleh ke my (potential) gf wud understand me?

b) bein myself. i find that friends, they're ok with me being myself, but not gf. they WONT understand. ntah. i dont know why.

c) accepting me for that i am. ye la, poyo je cakap macam tu mula2. in the end, they wud leave me. sebab? haha. go figure. yela.. im not that cool, im not donald trump, nor dave grohl, just a plain me. takdenye nak senang2 terima2 aku dengan hati ikhlas. zaman sekarang ni? mimpila.

we're not living in the era of ppl who wud love till death. takde makne. penipu suma. selagi aku tak bawak rolls royce. selagi takde rim berkilat. never will.



being in a relationship, needs more than just "baby, i love you". accepting ppl as your special, means there comes another responsibility. igt senang ke? tu la yang jadi. esok "declare", lusa "break up". bodoh. it is subjective, you'll never know.

the only thing yang certain nya, is that you can try, but not rushing it. macam jugak lagu stairway to heaven, "and if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last." well, not just tunes exactly.. its applicable in almost anything.

just.. go with the flow. tak guna memaksa, kalau hanya sementara.
......

*ROTFL kaw2*
bapak jiwang sial aku. eesh! apa ni! geli2.

............

I am unbreakable but it looks like I could sometime soon
And you are unreachable about as possible as me touching the moon

I am unraveling unbearably empty
and if this ground gives way I just hope that you’ll catch me.

You came and saved me tonight
Defending all my life
Whoa, now I’m content with my breathe cuz I’m alive

And this is the epitome of everything you see in the movies
And this world is a time bomb ticking and I think I can stop it if you help me.

I am unraveling unbearably empty and if this ground gives way I just hope that you’ll catch me.

You came and saved me tonight
Defending all my life
Whoa, now I’m content with my breathe cuz I’m alive

My faith will never rust
No longer to prone bust
Oh finally I believe...

You came and saved me tonight
Defending all my life
Now I'm content with my breathe
Cuz I'm alive

Cuz I'm alive...



kat sapa ek aku nak nyanyi lagu ni? angkat tangan. haha.


.......................

bersopanlah di jalan raya. anda mampu.. er..

speaking of riding, well ni aku nak cakap sikit.

not that i promise that i will be perfectly perfect when i'm on the road, but utter honestly, i'm trying to be polite as possible.

selama aku bawak moto, ni yang aku observe: bikers are always tend to be bullied by others. keta ke lori ke. especially kalau dalam bad weather.

kalau masuk simpang, even tho jalan tu priority dia kat moto yang tengah lalu tu, keta tu masukkk je suka suki. pada dia "alah, moto.. kecik je. pepahal dia boleh elak". yeah. great. kalau jalan besar pulak, selagi dia boleh himpit, dia himpit. bukan semua yang dua tayar tu mat rempit ye. banyak lagi la.. hal dia.

well at least, i'll be laughing when you're stuck in a traffic jam. LOL.

and some words to bikers, igtla. klau dah kena sumpah 40 kali atas jalan, memang it is likely ko akan kena punya. so, stay polite. jangan sukasuki bawak macam org takde akal. bawak laju takdehal. hawhawhaw.

in the rain.

Kalau aku cakap ni, mesti org igt "emo gile sial dia ni".

well, u shud try too, sometimes. tapi kalau demam ke eksiden ke tanggung sendiri.


things that i love the most, well, one of em, was riding in the rain. whether heavy or not.

why?



it is when you hear nothing but your engine and the dripping raindrops around you. probably because of you wearing your helmet (tapi kan best kalau kat mesia ni legal bawak moto takyah helmet. that wud be bliss).

why?

it is when you feel each and every raindrops that fell onto your skin.

it's like washing away your torments.
pains.
fears.
dissappoinmets.
guilts.
sins.
misery.

it's like washing away those hard times and years behind, when you feel the chilly wind blows you. those miseries that put you in many, many awkward predicaments. even washing those "faces" off from your memory. erasing em all.

:)
my. i love riding in the rain.



(p/s: pasikan wallet dan fon anda selamat dari terkena air. kalau tak, padan muka)

in a clear. bliss. whatever. :)

ahh. finally. after few sleepless days.
i'm in a clear.
i'm back.
:)

taken from the song called "Ruang Hati" by Auburn (my fucking all time fave)

"aku... tulus melintas;
rahmat hidup
tanpa.. menyesal..

dan ruang hati
ku merdeka
kerna ku tahu
siksa ini hanya sementara..
saja.."

it defines my current situation very well.
:)

fuck, can't wait till they come up with the new album. soon. very soon. guys, watch out. hehe.

thrown. out. part. two.

after three days (yes,there's nothing to be ashamed of) of being in the office. stuck and rotten like a larvae. i didnt know what happend, as no one from the house had texted me ever since. i even still wearing this 'the who' tee (yeah tatie, the one that i wore last friday nite). nice.

just now, i went back to pick up my stuffs, finally, moving out to somewhere.

guess what.

i found my roomate, lying down on his bed, peacefully. main internet. and the story goes.

"weh? ko tak blah lagi dari bilik ni? kata paie nak suh kawan dia masuk? peh, siap kemas balik?"

"a'ah."

"mana budak2 ni?"

"tah, paie cakap tak jadi masuk."

"so? ko tak bagi tau aku? msg pun tak? apa cerita? apsal tak cakap awal2?"

"......."

"abis tu ko stay la ni?"

"a'ah."

i glanced at my stuffs over the corner. wah. siap berbungkus habis semua.

now i know, memang diorg nak halau aku kot sebenarnya.

good. finally uve shown me ure true fucking colour bud. thanks. thank you so much. aku ingat je sampai mati.

so i picked up my stuffs, and off i went.



babi la. ive been thru so many shits this week. f. and thanks to those people for giving me hard times. thank you for not listening and not being understanding. u're fucking cool.

thrown. out.

case:

"woi moe, lagi tiga hari kawan aku nak masuk bilik atas. ko kemas la barang2 ko. sori ah, kesian lak aku tgk dia gaduh ngn family dia. tu diorg pakat nak tinggal sini. sori la susahkan ko."

what the f--****

tak susahkan aku? well thanks, dickhead. releven ke pasal kes keluarga dia ko suruh aku move out?

i had to move out in three days. f. thank god i already saved meself a backup place. but what if i hadn't? i got a shitty week, where i can't even sit down and relax without having a text msg coming asking me "apa progress??".

kariyamak. yeah, go figure.

and now this mangkuk's telling me to vacate the place, as it is for his "friends" now. ow yeah, wait, lupa pulak. kawan dia semua orang. semua orang kawan dia. well, tak guna pun aku bayar sewa bulan2. bukan aku bayar lambat pun. f, f and more fs.

dan, dia, masih buat muka lima sen.

aku tak faham la manusia macam ni. f.

nasihat aku, kengkawan, if you're getting youself a place, make sure ada hitam putih, so that when shit happens, you got a license to smack his face with it, hard.

going down in flames. no, in sweats. :D

ahh, i hate it when i cant afford too much time online (been too busy!). and this cud be too late to post, but just wanna make sure that i still alive and breathing tho. ahaha.

well, nothing much, just wanna brag *uhuk -- brag? thats weird* abt the funness that i had last week. went to nina's (i even barely saw her face that time due to insufficient light) birthday partay, and (again) i arrived late. err, due to heavy rains and traffic shits. tsk tsk tsk. well put, moe. cold, hungry, wet, tattered.. ok, thats too far. but thank god, i arrived safely. so i met tonnes of cool ppl that i havent get the chance to meet before - aimi, moja, acad, nabil, acap, chip, azri.. and several others that i cant remember their names (sorry guys). so many fun shits happened that night, thanks to you guys for making my day. :)

cool comrades.

nabil: stop being a fag and get into the game, you dipshit!

yeah, it was fun. and i looked soooo wasted in this pic. ahah.

and soo.. me, tatie, nad, ella, nabil and acap (later joined by fiffy) went down to barra (somewhere infront of uitm, idk) to wind down, not even thinking of me having a tiring, shitty day tomorrow, which i will put it on the next blog. gtg!

:)

No more gold lights for the queen earth, to keep you warm in your kingdoms.

High on the waves you make for us.
But not since you left have the waves come.

The bar is dead and the rocket's rain is keeping you wet,
in your deathbed.

So high on the waves you made for us.
And not since you left have the waves come.
Have the waves come.

:)

“Heyyyyy heyyyyy I wanna be a rockstarrrrrr”

Rockstar isn’t always about a dude who can hold a guitar, and play and sing it out loud throughout the song. Being a true rockstar, you need to portray the real image. Well, to those who are about to have a dream of becoming one, these few words might help. Based on my observations throughout tons of interviews with rockstars.

1. Lets just start with your hair first. You really don’t wanna look like a dork onstage, unless if you’re Weezer. Not exactly a must to have a wavy long hair – even if you’re a baldie. Make it look simple and decent. The best would be keeping it messy, but not too much. Don’t put too much style… spikey la layer la, all those emo kids did nowadays. Budak-budak je tu bolehlah. Remember, being sweaty with your wavy hair covering your face all over while singing.. chicks dig it man. I can prove it. Err.. well tak payah. Dave Grohl already did.

2. Choosing what to wear. Now you don’t need to wear fancy clothes. Well of course you do when you’re in a hair-metal band, i.e. Motley Crue/Poison/whatsoever. Just look at Daughtry, he’s swimming in big bucks, yet he just need a (bit) tight dark tee with a decent stone-washed jeans. The goal is: bagi nampak macho. Heh. Flashy outfits? “Saya Budak Indie” tees? Fancy shades? Red skinnys? Ehem. Only if you’re meant to be in those indie-kuwhhhhh-darlingssssss bands. Erk. We’re talking about REAL rockbands here. Ah.. accessories, bangles, are optional.

3. You got the hair, the looks, and now how about emphasizing your persona. This is a bit tricky, its either you pose yourself well as a rockstar, or you’ve just made yourself looked like a definite gay. You gotta learn to be a bit more flamboyant.. ah. Just learn how to talk like a rockstar. Macam mana? Learn to have a mild, macho smile while talking to people. Nod a bit whenever possible. Yeahhhhhhh. Rockstars tend to talk in a slower, heavier, huskier voice, relaxxxxxx.. such a contrary whenever he is onstage.. cool la konon. Gelak pun nak kena cover. Jangan over. Goal #2: don’t make yourself look like a buffoon. Avoid picking your nose in front of anybody. And stop biting your nails.

4. Choosing the right guitar. Whoah.. yang ni.. optional. Especially to those yang mak bapak dia kaya. I knew some of those local “rockstars” ada yang pergi balik pun berjemput dengan Mercedes. Not because of they’re selling their albums million copies worldwide, tapi duit mak bapak. So for those who are lucky enough, spend your cash on a good looking guitar.. probably go for a branded one. To those yang tak mampu, well.. err, gotta work your ass out.. takkan sampai bila-bila nak pakai ‘Samik’ kan? The ultimate: get yourself a singlecut Paul Reed Smith, or a Gibson Les Paul Custom. Why? Because buruk-buruk macam mana pun rupa engkau, tak hensem camne pun, those axes will automatically make yourself looks cooooooooooool. Remember: rockstar kena look cool.

5. Play it cool when you’re OFFstage, play it loud when you’re ONstage. Don’t just stand there like a Pantheon pillar. Move around. Get into the action. Yes, everyone knows you don’t even know how to shred. Bukan reti pun main gitar. Solo lari. Nyanyi pun pancit. Tak apa.. gaya itu mutu keunggulan. Shake your axes (not asses). Run across the stage (kalau stage besar la). Jump. Scream, shout whenever possible. (Disclaimer: Kalau hancur backline, tanggung sendiri).

6. Share these tips with your bandmates. If you find it useful enough lah LOL.

Remember: rockstar kena look cool. That’s the MAIN goal. Drum that into your brain.

(Currently listening to the song “Rockstar” by Nickelback)

Rock on.
\m/,

swimming in a lacuna

“Guruh?”

It’s raining outside, again.

Sat quietly, listening to the dripping drops of water out side the window. Wow, cepat betul. In one swoop, that’s it. It’s wet all over the place.

I stared right into the dark clouds above, with a soft sigh. Makin gelap. Feeling empty. Might even want to scream, or shout or something, but couldn’t even vent out a soft voice. Nothing. Definitely. Again, sigh.

It’s 4.34 p.m. And here I am. Alone. Empty. Keja melambak, but couldn’t even think of doing anything (except tapping my fingers on the keyboard, typing this shitty lines). Peh. Tepu sial.

God, am I in a block?

Kot.

satu pagi yang indah, again. haha.

one fine morning after almost decided to wander myself around damansara clueless-ly, i got a msg from someone: "awk, im on my way 2 genting!" which i thot was a joke. soon enough, i called her, and yes, she was with her fellowships, hoo-hoo-haa-haa in a car. i asked her, confidently (poyo2 sikit pun ada), "woh.. pegi tak ajak". and she was like, "jap2.. awk cakap dgn ella", who wud then asked me to get myself to a (secret) petrol station as fast as i can. "biar betik?"

......
(time-warping)
......

within 20 minutes, i find myself in a bronze (i think) car, surrounded by four "hyped-up" people. all the way to the peak of genting sempah. and the next thing i knew was, like, i thot i was in a dream - like one of those i had (gila deja vu sial). four hours of nonstop fun-ness and joy. dang. such experience that i cud've hardly ever imagine.

i pledge my thank you to these cool people: tatie, fiffy, ella and nad. so much, beaches. :)

“Tak metal la weyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

Is it really a guilty pleasure, having a copy of Justin Timberlake’s “FutureLove/SexSounds” inside your CD shelf, between Arch Enemy’s “Wages Of Sin” and a copy of new Amon Amarth’s? Not that every rockdudes or metalheads would listen to their regular stuffs every second, and having a ‘weird’ CD inside your collection won’t be a death penalty. Wait, between growling and bird-singing? Tsk tsk tsk.

Some people, mostly those who reckoned themselves as a (quote) true (unquote) rocker would not probably admit that they, at-one-time-all-of-a-sudden-out-of-no-where, whistled or hummed N’Sync’s “This Is Promise You” (with a definite fact that Lance Bass is now an official gay-on-screen) while he was browsing his pictures of his ololo-cutenye-girlfriend in his Sony Ericsson. Ceh. Soundgarden konon. Poyo sial ada mamat tu. Hahaha. Yes.. I recognize the fact that “ala Kurt Cobain pun kawin apa”. But denying the fact that you’re soooo hooked on Kelly Clarkson while upholding yourself as a true rocker at heart wud be just.. funnay.

Well, I never ashamed to admit that I do listen to some Madonnas or Avrils, even thinking of doing a cover on Lindsay’s (another homo that will dominate the world) “Over” one day while wearing my Rage Against The Machine’s or Ramones’ tee. My, that’s just fascinating. Hahaha. And oh, I’m a straight, thank you.

It’s all about the music, at the end of the day. And it ain’t nothing wrong with it. Siapa kata tak metal? Ceh.

Fuck, I’m hungry.

Helping out, or selling yourself out?

We never knew when a day wud come, where you’re just had to put away your ego, and had to ask for a hand on something. Well, here is the time where and when you had to seek help from someone, even to those people who you’ve abandoned for quite sometimes. Even to those who you’d never even bother to give a call before. Making sweet talks, yeah man… why won’t you help me this time? Just for a small favor and that’s it.. C’mon bro.. yeah. Pretty much.

But when it comes to unexpected things occurred, in short, he fucked it up. Yeah. Shit happens. What wud you do? Will you be cursing him all over, or even like.. “Fuck you man, I don’t want to see you again, period. Fuck off”, even he never INTEND to put you in such a disappointment (kawan baik la katakan, or might be “terhutang budi nak mati”). Even if he really got some pretty excuses to “fuck” it up.

The point, here, is that.. are we really ASKING for help, or we’re expecting people wud bow to our selfish “will”? Yeah, we might have helped him or her way before, in some ways, but does that even give us a right to be such feisty over him? He just came all along the way to save your ass, and yet you even didn’t give a friggin face. You cannot expect that everyone will turn to you whenever you’re in a deep shit. And yet, no matter how nice you were before, no matter how you considered yourself as a knight in a shining armor many, many times, you cannot expect that you’re a greek god that everyone would sacrifice themselves for you. If he can’t, either he’s REALLY can’t or just “can’t”, then you wud probably just.. let him be. Let alone karma or Him decides the consequences. BUT, to fuck him off all the way would be just self-centered.

You probably wouldn’t want to have that tag “Behold, an asshole in the making” stamped right on your ass. Yes, I curse a lot, so pardon my fucking French.

Peace.

alive

since this is my first, lets just keep it short.

there's a slight feeling that u'll get when u're back on the track. rejuvenated. revived. after all these while u've been pinned down, tied, tattered and torn, u just wanna rise up and scream and shout. perhaps kicking someone else's ass.

u gotta make sure that u're ALIVE, rather than just breathing.

phew, that was fast.