Wednesday, November 12, 2008

“Heyyyyy heyyyyy I wanna be a rockstarrrrrr”

Rockstar isn’t always about a dude who can hold a guitar, and play and sing it out loud throughout the song. Being a true rockstar, you need to portray the real image. Well, to those who are about to have a dream of becoming one, these few words might help. Based on my observations throughout tons of interviews with rockstars.

1. Lets just start with your hair first. You really don’t wanna look like a dork onstage, unless if you’re Weezer. Not exactly a must to have a wavy long hair – even if you’re a baldie. Make it look simple and decent. The best would be keeping it messy, but not too much. Don’t put too much style… spikey la layer la, all those emo kids did nowadays. Budak-budak je tu bolehlah. Remember, being sweaty with your wavy hair covering your face all over while singing.. chicks dig it man. I can prove it. Err.. well tak payah. Dave Grohl already did.

2. Choosing what to wear. Now you don’t need to wear fancy clothes. Well of course you do when you’re in a hair-metal band, i.e. Motley Crue/Poison/whatsoever. Just look at Daughtry, he’s swimming in big bucks, yet he just need a (bit) tight dark tee with a decent stone-washed jeans. The goal is: bagi nampak macho. Heh. Flashy outfits? “Saya Budak Indie” tees? Fancy shades? Red skinnys? Ehem. Only if you’re meant to be in those indie-kuwhhhhh-darlingssssss bands. Erk. We’re talking about REAL rockbands here. Ah.. accessories, bangles, are optional.

3. You got the hair, the looks, and now how about emphasizing your persona. This is a bit tricky, its either you pose yourself well as a rockstar, or you’ve just made yourself looked like a definite gay. You gotta learn to be a bit more flamboyant.. ah. Just learn how to talk like a rockstar. Macam mana? Learn to have a mild, macho smile while talking to people. Nod a bit whenever possible. Yeahhhhhhh. Rockstars tend to talk in a slower, heavier, huskier voice, relaxxxxxx.. such a contrary whenever he is onstage.. cool la konon. Gelak pun nak kena cover. Jangan over. Goal #2: don’t make yourself look like a buffoon. Avoid picking your nose in front of anybody. And stop biting your nails.

4. Choosing the right guitar. Whoah.. yang ni.. optional. Especially to those yang mak bapak dia kaya. I knew some of those local “rockstars” ada yang pergi balik pun berjemput dengan Mercedes. Not because of they’re selling their albums million copies worldwide, tapi duit mak bapak. So for those who are lucky enough, spend your cash on a good looking guitar.. probably go for a branded one. To those yang tak mampu, well.. err, gotta work your ass out.. takkan sampai bila-bila nak pakai ‘Samik’ kan? The ultimate: get yourself a singlecut Paul Reed Smith, or a Gibson Les Paul Custom. Why? Because buruk-buruk macam mana pun rupa engkau, tak hensem camne pun, those axes will automatically make yourself looks cooooooooooool. Remember: rockstar kena look cool.

5. Play it cool when you’re OFFstage, play it loud when you’re ONstage. Don’t just stand there like a Pantheon pillar. Move around. Get into the action. Yes, everyone knows you don’t even know how to shred. Bukan reti pun main gitar. Solo lari. Nyanyi pun pancit. Tak apa.. gaya itu mutu keunggulan. Shake your axes (not asses). Run across the stage (kalau stage besar la). Jump. Scream, shout whenever possible. (Disclaimer: Kalau hancur backline, tanggung sendiri).

6. Share these tips with your bandmates. If you find it useful enough lah LOL.

Remember: rockstar kena look cool. That’s the MAIN goal. Drum that into your brain.

(Currently listening to the song “Rockstar” by Nickelback)

Rock on.

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