Aku Lapar Gila Ni.

To begin with, I am kinda sick of everything that involves emotion. I can cry this out synonymously with emotion sickness. Like Silverchair's. But I just can't help it.

That's uhm.. well..

Ok ok. Back to the story.

So, yesterday, a friend of mine called me while I was about to venture myself to Neverland.

Well, technically I asked her to call me back after she sent me a text, "I need a shoulder to cry on".

Kimak, wa takde credit sangat. So I replied. "Call me".

Then, on and on we talked. Of course, mainly about her new relationship with a guy, which also happened to be one of my great friends.

The thing about her, isn't actually that twisted. She just got confused. Or moreover, she confused herself. Wondering whether the guy's really fell for her. Etc. Etc.

"MoOOOooeeee.. I'm confuseddddddddd. Is he really sincereeeeeeeeeee. I dunno what to doooooooooo", she said.

Bah.


To tell you the truth, I don't fucking know hun. In fact, no one knows. Even his closest friends. How the fuck should I know?

Yep, that guy, as far as I knew, is the nicest guy ever. He even helped me thru my hard phases several times. And speaking from a guy's perspective, I shall say, he is, indeed a semi angel. But relationship-wise? I can't tell.

But judging from the efforts he made, and the way he expressed himself (yep, I was 'forced' to read few of their messages and shit), he is, at least, trying to be one. And he's doing his best at it. He made so much effort for this girl, so much, just to convince her that he does, indeed, fell for her.


And still, she got all confused. Or moreover, doubtful.

See, that's the thing I don't understand about girls. Well, not all of them, but mostly. I can browse thru my records, and trust me, it is.

They always fell on the wrong side of the grass. Always trying to look out for a greener plain. Glitters, blinding lights on the other side of the fence. And keep on wondering why they'll end up choosing the wrong guy that turns out to be a dickless prick.

I've been there. By there, I mean THE guy.

I would pull off anything just to make this one particular girl happy, with the fact that I know, in the end, that all my efforts worth nothing. I won't gain anything. I won't get anything out of it.

Same goes with this guy. He did quite a lot tho, for this girl.

Well, DO-ers always get this. Because they do not know how to say things, unlike the SAY-ers. They don't know how to explain things. They don't do sweet talks and shit. They don't say, they do. Because, they believe, that in the end, effort wins over empty talks.

And it takes one simple thing that can kill all those hard-ass efforts in one shot - DOUBT. As in, after all he has been through, you stab him with, "I'm not sure, I just can't see it". Niceeeeee.

Another thing that really, really annoys me is the keyword 'insecurity'. Like this minah.

She kept wondering what if the relationship will stumble. What if this. What if that. If so, you might as well pull off. Don't do it.

Life is all about taking risks. And to indulge the risks.

"Awwhhh.. what happen if we fail? What happen if we this, if we that, yada yada yada? What will happen next?"

I do know a couple that has been married for DECADES, and in the end, they failed. That shows how impermanent thing is. That includes what you called love. And if you're still dipping your toes, still wondering whether you'd drown before you jump into the pond, stop it. Fuck love. Fuck feelings. Fuck everything. Why bother trying when you know that in the end, you'll end up standing in the middle of nowhere?

But yet, we keep on trying, do we?

Or else we might just as well let love dies. Oh you know better when love and respect extinct. Humanity will cease. We shall bring forth the destruction towards this dying world even faster. We might as well start killing each other. Because you cannot trust anyone.

Okay, I'm going too far I guess.

But.. yeah.. my point is, get it sorted out or die trying. OR ELSE, stay the fuck out of it and don't even think about it. At all.

So, girls, please be careful. You might lose a possibly great guy. And end up being with a dickhead for the rest of your life.

OR ELSE, I repeat, stay the fuck out of it and don't even think about it.




What a lousy crying shoulder I am. And gee, that was fast. Aku lapar gila ni.