Where The Wind Stood Still.

I never thought that my actual hope resorts to you.

My only hope.

And finally I come to term with the fact that I am losing it. Every minute.



Again, here I am,

Browsing them pages, your old pictures, and words.

Forcing me to concise everything in silence, between these walls.






I might not need to tell you things that have been tearing up my mind.

I just choose to stay, and live. For always.

Your Words Are Poison.

"I'll drown every night, in every moment that you could never hide".

Ohh yes.

Emopost - #1

I'm juggling fireballs and blades, every minute.

And for some reason,
I choose not to move away.

I choose to stay.

As always.


....
I need to pee.

Masa Depan Bangsa?

Ada la kawan aku kena basuh dengan beberapa orang brader. Kawan aku sorang ni adalah punker tegar. Mungkin pada brader-brader ini, beliau adalah contoh pada harapan bangsa yang semakin gelap, mungkin.

Aku tak nak amik port sangat kalau mamat-mamat yang disebutkan mengajak kawan aku sorang ni untuk ke masjid, berubah menjadi Muslim yang lebih baik dan bertanggungjawab. Fitrah manusia, semua nak cenderung ke arah kebaikan. Bagus la kan? Mengajak orang ke jalan kebaikan, itu Jihad. Bukan pegi letupkan diri kat pasar tani. Kalau kau mati kena pelepuh sebab ajak mamat ni pergi sembahyang Jumaat, insyAllah kau syahid.

Cuma, yang jadi kelakarnya, subjek utama diskusi pembasuhan lebih menjurus ke arah "Masa Depan Bangsa Yang Semakin Gelap".

Guess what motherfucka,

WE ARE ALL DESTINED TO PERISH.

Ye. Label je aku apa yang kau nak. Pembelot? Petualang? Cuma aku nak tanya. Apa yang kau nak perjuangkan sebenarnya? Apa motif perjuangan kau? Kuasa? Kekayaan? To secure yourself? Supaya kau mahu bangsa lain tunduk pada engkau menggigil dalam ketakutan?

The future doesn't belong to you. It's HIS. Kau tak ada upaya untuk tentukan masa depan bangsa.

Kau sendiri yang mahu wujudkan peperangan, sungguhpun kau selalu berkata kau bermotifkan keamanan. Apa bende sial. "Look around and ask yourself, has the battle been won, or lost?"

Contohnya mudah. Kau mahu perjuangkan bangsa, tapi banyak anak-anak bangsa kau sendiri yang mengeluh tak dapat biasiswa. Tak mampu nak bayar bebanan hutang pengajian, walaupun rata-rata mereka pandai macam kancil. Bagi yang mampu, boleh lah. Gagal 7 semester pun, macam bayar lunch kat Old Town je. Itu pun sem depan fail lagi. Sebab tiap-tiap minggu boleh pergi Changkat, bukan kelas tambahan. So what is left for those poor kids?

Ya, kalau kau tanya, aku bangga aku dilahirkan Melayu. Tapi aku takde rasa superior, bagaikan Melayu tu dah disenarai dalam VIP access untuk ke syurga. Tak. Mana-mana bangsa pun, sama di sisi DIA.

Jadi apa yang kau cuba buktikan?

Aku tak menulis post ni untuk bangsa yang spesifik. Tak kira apa bangsa kau sekalipun. Cina, India, Kadazan, Paduang, Melayu, Jawa, Boyan.. kita semua sama. Manusia dengan lima pancaindera. Semuanya revert kepada benda yang satu. And fuck no, I am not talking about 1Malaysia.

Dan paling lawak (kembali kepada perenggan pertama), brader yang membasuh tu sendiri rambut karat baju polo kolar naik.

Motherfucker you've made me a judgmental person. Oh, hell no.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger.

I love you, Rihanna.

Yep, I am going to live my life, my own way.

Are You Lost, Or Incomplete?

I always had nightmares of the world goes to shit, ever since I was.. a kid. Probably 8 or 9 years old.

Too many of them, I can't remember. Tsunamis, earthquakes, fogs, drowned.. hmm.

But I do remember one, where I once stood upon a mountain alone, watching a whole city burned down including a gigantic tower in front of me, in flames.

And somehow, I felt like there was a voice that subtly speaks to me from somewhere, "this is just a beginning - it's not the end".


Just like the last part of "Fight Club". Where Edward Norton stood in front of the window with Marla, watching as the building in front of him collapsed. And the quote - "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything".

Talk about the end of the world, and the irony of new beginnings. Relearn life.

And I don't think I need to elaborate more. Because every now and then, I need to take a shit.

Sole Answer To Your Questions.

I am a shadow;
that goes wherever you go.

A shade in reverse;
that reflects each and every action of you,
in silence.

And when the light fades,
I won't be there for you anymore.


.....and..
I gotta take a shit.

Man, I Am Hungry.

"My, you've changed".

Indeed I am. The fuck do you expect?

I can't be the same dude you knew few years back. I can't be 19 all the fucking time. Well, you should, too.

People change, embrace that fact.

And when I reach 60, I'll be Danny Trejo. I'm a fucking Machete.



You'll never expect.

Siri Mari Mengepos Benda Bodoh #2

"Peh.. pak guard tu ringtone dia tektonik gile! Mesti kerja part time dia jadi DJ kat Changkat"

Dan di tangan yang satu lagi, aku ada mata beruang panda.


Aku sungguh perkasa!

This Is Sooooo Gay.

"So take this small confession as my price to pay
I've never been the kind to let go
But before you up and walk away
I'm miserable without you, you know.

This silver leaves me longing for gold
Second place has never carried me home"

"Silver" by David Cook

Another guy I'd go gay for after Myles Kennedy. Oh don't give me that "ewww, dude!" bullshit. I know you do!

Man, I really need to cut down my cig, if I wanna start singing like him. Oh what the fuck.

La Da Di Dum, I am a Boring Bum.

Here are some facts about me, that some of you fellas might not know.

1. I'd always wear a ring on my middle finger with yellowish stone on it. Trust me, that ring, isn't an ordinary one. It holds the key to the universe.

2. I got a feeling that my actual animal totem is either a long Chinese ancient green dragon (serpent like, not the western dinosaur-like) or a blue lion. Yep. Blue. Literally blue, like the Smurfs.

3. I love cats. Or rabbits. Or animals. But I don't really like to keep them as pets. Possibly it is because I am actually allergic to them, also I am too bloody lazy to keep an eye on them. And to keep a pet without providing a better care, is an animal cruelty.

4. I love driving/riding a bike in the rain. Emoemoemoemoemo.

5. I am a selfish, inconsiderate asshole. I do not, in any circumstances, give a floating fuck about anyone. So, if any of you guys think otherwise, then consider yourself lucky, because I fucking love you.

6. I am a vengeful and a rueful motherfucker. I AM karma. You fuck with me, you fuck with the karma. And trust me, you don't want no Nightmare On The Elm Street, baby.

7. I can enlarge my eyes, and look fucking mean. I even scare myself in front of a mirror whenever I did that.

8. I smell nice all the time, even without fragrance. Which is why I don't use body spray much. If you think that I got a BO, you're definitely wrong mofo. Go and check your armpit.

9. I can never get fat, I am always skin.. wait. Halt. Somebody will be pissed if I say that again. There's one picture on Facebook that has THAT comment on it, and eventually I made someone pissed. Really, really pissed. So I deleted it. There, you happy?

10. I am not being sarcastic. I don't do sarcasm. Well, if I ever made you fell like I am being one, well.. to bad honey, it is YOU. Not me.

11. I do believe that the end of the world has begun. I, however, don't believe in any of YOUR scam-chained lettered-"OMFGTHATISSCARY"-fake-prophecies, at all. You're not a fucking prophet. Boo.

12. I am cool, therefore I swear a lot. The fuck do you expect?

13. Most of the time, I got limited knowledge base inside my head. So don't expect me to entertain every stupid question you have in mind. Unless if I love you. Yes, you may do so, and I'll try NOT to get bored with that.

14. If I say I love you, it means I love you. If I say "Go away, please", it means "Kiss my ass, fuck off, eat shit and die". Simple. So pay attention.

15. I never downgrade people (that are in my favorable list), and I do believe by the power of addressing people appropriately. So if I call you by decent names or any terms and I have not change that so far, it means that you are OK. But if I started to address you with, I don't know, whatever unpleasant, it means I fucking hate you. You might just as well die. No shit.

16. I didn't change, I never grew up. It is you who've changed, not me.

17. I am good with knives. And nail clippers. I am the actual Salt.

18. I fucking snore. That, only revealed somewhere last year. And God, I even was scared by my own snore. Oh thanks a lot Tajul, for the video. F you! Haha.

19. I got integrity. And that comes with a price, of course.

20. What you resist, persist. Nothing will ever stop me. Except if God ever wants to pull the plug out of me, I will. Determination is the word, baby.

21. I hate religious fanatics, and racist/supremacist fucktards. If you think that your religion or race is divine and superior, then keep it to yourself, but don't prejudge or discriminate others. There's no way your deity wants you to pick on others who don't do shit to you. Let the world end as it is.

22. I love ice cream, but I hate buying it.

23. I don't really like huge ass birthday/wedding cakes. I do, however, love cupcakes.

24. I am not a quitter. I never quit, I am just taking a pause. Long, short, doesn't even matter.

25. I fucking love Hillary Duff.

26. I am born smart. And at times, I am just playing stupid with you. That's because I don't really want to argue with your stupidity.

27. I could go on with this for hours, but I need to take a piss. Bye fellas.

Tell Me Now, What Do You Stand For - #1

I don't stand for anyone.

And, I am getting sick of standing either. I need to sit. Squat. Or anything that's somewhere below a waist level.

I need to chill. I need a smoke. I need to squat and smoke. That's fucking it.



Oh. I just found out that my leave for next week is not approved.

Oh. Whatever.

Siri Mari Mengepos Benda Bodoh #1

Hari ini aku berjaya membeli sepasang seluar baru.

Dan magiknya, pinggang aku telah bertukar ke saiz 28! (sebelum tu pinggang aku rasanya 32 kot, kecoh betul)

Wau, terasa muda aku. Bagai masih bersekolah di sekolah menengah.


Lihat perutku, sungguh rampingkannnnnn? Terima kasih Tummy Trimmmmmm!

I Am Mineeeee.

I am my own alpha and omega.

I am your nightmare. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I am going to shoot the sheriff, the deputy, and then I am going to get you.


Welcome to my circle of suffering, bietch.



And still, I am waiting for my night allowance.

Sum Of All Problems

I got so many potholes these days.

Therefore, I just need to look out for ONE more problem, probably a BIGGER one, one that could cover up them potholes. Fill up those moulds.

So that I can concentrate on less problems. Probably one or two.

Well, time to man those battle stations. This is going to be a tough battlefield.

Operation: Manhattan Project 2.

I'm off to war zone, with a high tech mecha. Meeet. Meeeeet. Meet. Meet.

We Don't Need No Education, Baby.

It's a fact that I didn't manage to finish my tertiary education, due to few lame ass reasons. Probably the major part that contributes to the chart was: I screwed up so much, and... financially I don't think at that time, finishing my course was the best option for me.

So I bailed, and worked with a publishing house for about.. 6 months (actually 2 years ), where I did however, learned a lot..

I learned on how to multitask things, how to keep myself sane despite all the pressure of being THE guy in the whole office. To cope up with deadlines. Doing multiple tasks that would probably require several different diplomas.

As far as I can remember, I got no skills on being a journalist. I never knew what are the ethics of being a journalist. I never knew on how does a magazine is produced and shit. But slowly I paced myself. Learn to take pictures using a fucking DSLR without getting bad impressions from pro photographers just by looking at how I'm handling a camera. To interview bands, local and international. Marketing, promotions, record labels, etc etc.

And that, was before almost two years ago, I swapped my job to an IT company. Kinda huge one to say the least. Working as a primary service desk post, dealing with SOE and non-SOE issues (i.e software related issues, emails, basic networking, server issues, SAPs, etc etc), which actually requires at least basic IT diplomas.

I mean, come on. I had three years wasted on a Civil Engineering course. And now, I am one of those people who worked for 9 hours approximately in front of a computer, doing IT shits. And I got NO IT related certificates.. at all, let alone to work in a multi-national IT company that deals with customers all over the fucking world.

I had two solid months of training, and voila. The account went alive. I guess I am quite a lucky ass to make it, until now.

But I never considered luck as a whole picture of it.

The only reason is because I HAD TO.

"Man I had to do this. I had to do that. Ooh, I gotta learn that. Shit, this is hard, imma need to learn on how to make this work".

Etceteraetcetera.

"You need to embrace the current situation and evolve, either that or die", said Abang Rom, once.

Which is, true.

We need to learn on how to overcome things wisely, to pickup skills on the fly, to cope with the fast pace. Living-it-up-not-giving-a-fuck-living-your-live-in-the-fast-lane shit.

Therefore, I tend not to give a fuck about most things. That includes getting self-help guidebooks. Because I don't read much. Except Andrew Matthew's when I was a kid. Even that, was because the book wasn't really contain much texts. The cartoons were funny as hell.

But yeah. All I need is ME.

"I am mine", says Edward Louis Severson III. Pearl Jam, motherfucker!

I don't buy ideologies no more. I don't live with ideologies. I don't have the passion to show that 'oh, I am such a genius. I read Das Kapital for breakfast, listen to Dead Kennedys and Mothers Of Invention for lunch, and a little Chuck Palahniuk for bedtime stories'. I am not a genius, never been one, and I am not really sure that I will ever be one.

I mean, to know and to accept are two different things. I prefer the first option. I had to break down my wall of ego to indulge things.

How do you live with yourself, and at the same time you need to align with other's persepctive? It is you who control your doings, hence the effects that come after. No baby, you don't need other's philosophies to control your life. True, those are the words of wisdom, came from wise men. But seriously, so do you.

I have learned that those 14 years of education which includes my college days, had somehow helped me only 35.67% part of my life. Instincts are my best weapon of all time.

All I need to do, is to accept myself for what I am.

It's the same thing as to love somebody, all you need is to accept the fact that the person is willingly to accept you, to DO things for you, rather than just to SAY the those L words over and over again. Because love, is like a flower. It needs good soils and fertilizers, as well as proper technique and mostly patience, before it can bloom beautifully. No other way.

And in desperate times, there's no one, apart from God's miracle that can save you, except you yourself.

And to live your life, for no one else but you.





PUKIMAKKK! BILA DIAORANG NAK NIGHT ALLOWANCE AKU! Bloody hell.

Politik Dan Melayu Dari Kacamata Aku.

Tajuk entri macam la aku nak tulis thesis. Pastu berlagak macam aku pakai spek (walaupun aku sebenarnya memang rabun). Psh.

Aku membesar dalam keluarga yang kuat politik. Especially parents aku, yang agak tegar dengan Barisan Alternative (sebab tu aku gila Pearl Jam kot?).

Suatu ketika, masa politic turmoil circa 1998, aku ingat lagi macamana marahnya orang-orang yang selama ni tak sebulu dengan kerajaan, atas penangkapan Anwar. Aku budak kot. So aku nganga mulut je la apa orang cakap.

Tapi time tu memang banyak bende banyak jugak tak masuk akal. So, aku pilih untuk berdiam diri, sebab aku lagi suka memerhati. Susah nak percaya mana-mana pihak.

Sampai sekarang jugaklah, sebenarnya aku pun tak tau apa nak kata pasal politik Malaysia.

To be honest, aku tak sokong sesapa pun. Bukan bermaksud aku lalang, sokong mana YB mana yang sumbat duit paling banyak dalam mulut aku. Pada aku, politician merupakan golongan yang memang sangat susah nak duga.

Aku punya rasa hormat pada Tuan Guru Nik Aziz, sebab dia tak beli pun bungalow mahal kat Kenny Hills. Dan aku punya respek yang tinggi untuk Tun Dr. Mahathir, sebab buah fikiran dia yang dia guna pakai untuk membangunkan negara sampai tahap ni, aku tak rasa takat ni ada orang boleh celen dia. Antara pemimpin yang aku sayang sampai mati.

Mungkin tahap itu sahaja kot, punya cetek view aku pasal politik ni.

Sebab diaorang pun manusia. Tabur la janji melaut mana pun, lepas pilihan raya, tak terkejar juga nak tunaikan semua. Tak boleh nak salahkan diaorang jugak, sebab kita semua sama manusia. Kalau kau jadi YB pun belum tentu kau mampu nak jadi robot, attend semua masalah rakyat bawah kawasan kau. Melainkan kalau kau klon Saidina Umar, atau setidak-tidaknya 25% sifat Sahabat tu ada pada kau.

Dan aku tidak menyangkal, ada wakil rakyat yang benar-benar buat kerja. Yang tak peduli parti apa pun yang dia bawa. BN atau BA, tolak tepi.

Cuma yang menyedihkan, tiap kali aku belek suratkhabar, terutama bahagian Dalam Negeri, aku rasa politik tu sangat kebudak-budakkan. Masing-masing cuba untuk mengatakan merekalah syurga, yang menentang itulah neraka.

Yang paling kesian, rakyat. Keliru. Pening. Kaku. Tak tahu nak pilih mana satu.

Dalam usaha nak menarik hati rakyat untuk bernaung di bawah bendera masing-masing, baik kerajaan mahupun pembangkang, kadang-kadang ada diantara mereka yang terlupa (walaupun bukan semua), perkara paling asas, keutamaan bagi rakyat. Keperluan mereka. Itu pun kadang-kadang banyak tercicir.

Yang konon mahu berjuang untuk rakyat pun, adakalanya hanya mampu untuk bagi ceramah mampan berapi-api, liberation shits and stuffs, tapi masih ramai yang lepas menang pilihan raya, tak ada beza mana pun.

Sebab tu, kalau belek suratkhabar, aku lagi seronok baca pasal gosip Diana Danielle kat bahagian Dua. Dari sakit hati dan sedih baca berita yang tak habis-habis mencerca sesama sendiri.

Isu paling aku rasa ketara, ketuanan Melayu. Well, aku tau, ramai yang akan fire aku sebab usik pasal bende ni. "Eh, mat, kalau tak kerana bende tu, kau tak boleh hidup macam ni tau tak?" - aku pernah kena fire bila aku utarakan apa yang aku rasa. Aku tak deny pun? Ada aku kata benda tu buruk? Offensive, might.

Cuma, pada aku, whether ada atau tidak, tak ada bezanya pada aku. Aku tetap kena bayar loan MARA bulan-bulan. Kena jugak bayar credit card. Sewa kereta mahal jugak. Tak masuk jugak UiTM campus induk, walaupun SPM aku 5A 4B 4C - yang mana ramai gile member aku dapat lagi rendah tapi berjaya masuk uni bagus-bagus. Ramai jugak member Cina aku dapat kerja senang-senang dari member Melayu aku yang grad dari US, UK apa suma. Itu semua rezeki, bro!

Ye, aku bangga aku Melayu. Aku bangga kulit aku tak cerah. Cuma, seperkara yang aku pasti, itu semua hanyalah klasifikasi untuk membezakan sapa asal usul kau. Begitu jugak kalau kau Cina, India, Punjabi, Senoi, etc etc.

Ramai yang mengeluh, "Habislahhh.. Melayu takkan jadi Melayu dah", "Melayu akan lenyap 50 tahun lagi", "Melayu hanya tinggal nama". Apa ke lancau kau mencarut tu? Siap tulis dalam buku. Jual kat 7E.

Orang-orang macam ni yang aku tengok, rata-rata diaorang macam ni jengkel dengan golongan Melayu yang tak reti cakap Melayu, tak reti makan sambal belacan gaul nasik makan pakai tangan, cakap liuk lentok, speaking mengalahkan orang yang duduk ceruk ladang kat Britain.

Wake up, yo.

Suka hati diaorang lah diorang nak cakap terbelit lidah pelat macam mana pun. Kau kuis pinggang dia, melatah bahasa melayu jugak. Kalau dia melatah keluar bahasa Itali, memang aku penampar dia lah. Jadi, apa masalah dia pada kau? Kulit dia sawo matang, campak la kat ceruk Seattle sekali pun, tetap diorg panggil dia Asians.

Sebab kau adalah engkau.

"Melayu akan lenyap 50 tahun lagi", apa ke lancau? "Melayu hanya tinggal nama", apa benda tu? Jaminan ke syurga ke kalau IC kau tulis "Melayu"?

Tak.

Apa guna, kalau kau bangga menjadi Melayu, pakai baju Melayu, junjung keris, berbahasa baku, konon nak pertahan hak sendiri, tapi pada masa yang sama, kau menindas bangsa sendiri, berbalah sesama sendiri? Tak. Itu bukan caranya untuk kau pertahan bangsa sendiri.

Hang Tuah tak pernah suruh macam tu. Dia cuma cakap "Takkan Hilang Melayu Di Dunia". Memang zaman dia takde Google, takde iPad. Tapi apa yang dia cakap tu masuk akal. Kau pakailah sehabis Dr. Dre pun, kau tetap Melayu, nak takut apa?

Apa guna, kalau kau bangga menjadi Melayu, tapi mengharap bantuan orang untuk kau berdiri. Parameswara pun bukannya dapat subsidi kerajaan masa nak bangunkan Melaka menjadi empayar. Harta dia sendiri (juga saki baki kuasa/pengaruh yang dia ada), mungkin. Sebab dia royal blood. Mengapa tidak kita?

Itu hak masing-masing nak utarakan buah fikiran. Aku tak kata aku betul. Dan hak juga kalau kau nak bermandi peluh darah air mata mempertahankan hak kaum masing-masing.

Ada aku kisah?

Dan tujuan aku post entri ni bukan nak menghasut sesapa. Lantak kau lah nak undi sapa pun. Nak fight untuk siapa pun. Ini pandemonium aku. Sanctuary aku. Utopia aku. Dunia aku. Apa jugak yang kau perjuangkan, itu hak engkau.

Aku tak salahkan kau pun, sebab aku percaya freedom of speech tu untuk apa. Demokrasi tu untuk apa.

Cuma pada aku, satu hari nanti, himpunnya kita di satu tempat yang sama, tak kira apa bangsa kau. Biarpun betapa bangganya engkau dengan warna kulit kau.




Sebenarnya aku bosan, so aku pun tak tahu aku merapu apa bende. Dan tengah marah, sebab dah dua bulan elaun syif malam aku tak masuk. Pukimak betul.

Random Perv.

Suddenly I remembered, there was once, I said something (which was accidental by the way) to a troubled friend of mine, whom was having a tough time with her boyfriend. Issue with him being anal or something.

Which, went something like this:

"Oh come on. You're being such a pussy, sticking up for a dickhead like him".

Few moments later, we stared, blank-faced, for a minute.

And we laughed, followed by a loud "what-the-fuck!".

And, there was once a friend of mine randomly called me while I was sleeping. We talked about random things for few minutes, before she said, "Oh yeah you know what, _____ (her bestfriend) and I had a period today. On the same day. Wow!"

Out of the blue (and the fact that I was still half-asleep), I replied, "Oh, so that makes you girls bloodsisters now?"

And after a while, we were like, "EEEEUUUW!".


My subconscious mind IS pervy, mind you. Especially when I am hungry, like now. So pardon my fucking language.

Oh I know you know that I am awesome.

"Someday, young man.. you will."

I came across this old guy at No Black Tie few days back.

Sure, he probably didn't even know my name. But yes, I recognized him, even from far.

So I approached him, and he greeted me with a smile on his face.

"Sir, can I take a picture with you?"

"Oh, sure!"

"You are, a living legend, sir", I said, with a grin.

"Ohhh no, young man. I am not. Well, someday YOU will be the one who's going fill in the shoe. To replace me. Someday", said the old guy, with a slow paced, deep wise old man's voice, not to forget the warm smile on his face.

And with a help from a friend, I got a picture with him.

"Thank you, sir!"

"You're welcome," he said, before he continued with, "I hope you that you will succeed in whatever you are doing in your life, and to become somebody."

He laughed.

Wow.

That was the shortest starstruck moment I had in my whole life. Yet it was worth every single second.

The man that had seen it all, been thru it all, a man who knows what it takes to become a true musician.


That man, Josie Thomas, is a bloody legend. :)

Look how happy I am in the picture. Haha.

"Ore waaaa Moe desu, yoroshikuuuuuuh!"

Ada la satu petang yang hening, aku kat No Black Tie, Jalan Changkat. Tu pun lepas aku rimas dapat dua tiga call dari manusia yang berbeza (punyalah nak tunjuk yang aku ni ramai sangat nak call, poodah!), ada lagi satu nombo DiGi call aku.

Begini ceritanya:

"Assalamualaikum, dan selamat petang Encik Mohhhammad Fairuzz Hussssaini bin Kammaruddin" (gile dia punya idgham ma'al ghunnah nak sebut nama aku, abis arab la tu?)

"Err.. waalaikummussalam, ya saya?" (aku time ni mula la fikir kawan aku dok buat prank call, so aku jawab macam pukimak sikit, juga dalam mode berhati-hati)

"Okay, saya dari pihak Maybank ingin bercakap dengan encik (nama aku lag, malas nak tulis), tentang.. penggunaan.. credit card encik ye. Kami cuma nak memastikan bahawa encik sudah menerima credit card anda, betul?" (okay dia dah mula formal, so ini bukan prank call dari Manja. Nada, normal)

"Ye betul. Kenapa ye encik?" (ececeh, formal kolar putih la konon)

"Okay, saya nak pastikan yang encik ambil card tu dari bank atau dihantar kerumah?"

"Saya ambil di bank.."

"Okay, jadi saya nak pastikan nombor credit card encik, sama dengan nama yang encik daftarkan untuk credit card tersebut (sebut nama aku lagi), benar ya?"

"Err.. ya?"

(Dan selepas beberapa lama dia convince aku nak confirm nama aku dengan card, letih sial nak layan mamat ni, he came out with a line yang buat aku agak alert sikit)

"Boleh encik Fairuz bacakan nombor yang tertera di atas kad anda?"

"Err.. kenapa ya encik?"

"Tak ada, macam ni encik Fairuz ya, kami cuma nak memastikan yang credit card tersebut benar-benar berdaftar di atas nama encik.."

"Oh.. tapi saya dah buat tiga empat kali purchase dengan kad ni, online dengan offline, semua masuk je dalam account saya. Nak kena reconfirm lagi ke?" (time ni aku dah mula bau-bau bacang dah)

"Ya, kami kena pastikan semula, takut ada kesilapan di dalam sistem akaun kami ya encik Fairuz..." (decent gile mamat ni)

"Kesilapan? Oh okay.. hmm.. tapikan.. bukan ke kalau pihak bank nak tahu, mereka boleh check dalam sistem registry? Kan ada active directory, boleh simpan semua transaction data dengan maklumat akaun?" (ceeewah, aku saje je shoot dengan terms gempak sikit, konon power ah tu)

"Oh, tidak ye, macam ni ye encik Fairuz.. bla bla bla (dia ceramah aku pasal penerangan apa lancau tah) dan kalau benar-benar terbukti yang kad ini kepunyaan encik Fairuz, kami mahu pastikan keselamatan encik terjamin dan tidak terlepas ke tangan orang lain"

"Oh.. tapi.. jap, encik dari pihak bank kan, kenapa call dari nombor DiGi?"

"Ya, sebab kami ya encik Fairuz (rajin gila ulang nama aku macam tu, nak address encik tiap kali) kami menggunakan talian DiGi business plan ya" (adoiyai, gila kedekut Maybank punya call center pakai mobile plan? Lawak. Takde duit dah ke nak bayar TM?)

"Okay, tapi kenapa perlu minta number dari saya? Kalau encik dari pihak bank, mesti encik boleh detect transaction saya, itu pun mesti valid, kalau takde clash dalam sistem"

"Ya, tapi polisi kami, biasanya kami tak simpan number kad encik dalam sistem, biasanya kami akan padam selepas kami dah configure akaun pengguna kad..." (dia sudah mula memecah tembelang sedikit demi sedikit)

"Delete? Kenapa? Kan ke payah kalau delete, pastu nak call balik? Plus, kalau encik delete, bererti encik delete la data pengguna saya sekali, confirm saya tak boleh pakai sekali. Kalau encik nak mintak saya, baik check kat AD je?" (nailed!)

"Oh tidak, kami cuma lakukan perkara tersebut demi keselamatan. Dan selepas pengesahan, kami akan hantar lagi satu bonus card untuk kegunaan harian encik.. juga ada banyak keistimewaan yang ditawarkan" ( yang langsung takde kena mengena langung ngan Maybank. Pastu dia bukak cerita pasal privilege card apa bende tah. wait, privilege card? Woi! Kau ni ajen bank ke ajen pelancongan?)

"Oh ya? Tapi concern saya sekarang ni, kenapa perlu beri nombor? Dan mesti kad privilege tu ada cas tambahan, sampai nak mintak nombor macam tu sekali? Saya bukan apa, sebab saya nak tahu je, saya pun kerja buat SAP account, kerja dengan transaction apa suma.." (again, trying to sound gempak lidat wooo)

"Ohh.. itu kerana (dia duduk ulang balik statement sebelum sebelum), tak apa, kalau begitu, kami check dengan data entry kami, nanti kami call balik ya? (oh, ada pulak? Tadi kata dah delete?) Assalamualaikum encik Fairuz!"

"Waalaikummusalam".

*hung up*


U'VE BE3N PWNED, MOTH3RFUCK3R!!!

Man, I am awesome. At least, I felt awesome.

Buahahahaha!

So, korang, beware. Jangan senang-senang bagi maklumat akaun kat random call. Sebab tu bank data entry sistem tak selonggar yang disangka. Takkan sewenang-wenang dia nak call pakai random mobile number pastu mintak maklumat. Smart plan, my ass. Fuck you heaps.


"Ore waaaa Moe desu, yoroshikoooouuuuuuh!!!" (dengan tone anime watak Onizuka Eikitchi)

Ye, sila bayang aku project dialog tu dengan nada yang betul.

"Now, to define love.."

Man this is such a random post.

A slide thought that crossed me while I was driving through the highway. Especially after I had a phone call from a.. quite close friend of mine, about his relationship with his girlfriend that is currently on the edge.

To tell you the truth buddy, I don't really have much to say, nor knowing what to. In fact, I couldn't lay any line especially after you asked me, "If she loves me so much, how could she possible did that stupid thing in the first place? What is love, anyways?"

My, my. Gila bunga sial ayat kau. Nasib baik kau belanja aku nasik campur aritu.

Well, love.

The cheekiest topic of all. "Geli" - some might say that. "Apa barang doh" - that, too.

But that's what makes the world go round, that's what most of us believed. Of course, you wouldn't be reading my crappy posts right now if you weren't born. And in order for you to do so, I'd probably say that love brought your parents together and.. you know, hence, your existence.

Do the math, lancau.

Now if you ask me, brother, "what is love" - woo, man. That's quite mind-torturing.

How ironic that most of my closest friends would come and consult their love issues with me, while I was pretty unsure whether I could be a saving grace in order to keep them sane from time to time. And not to mention, I do spin on my own axis of issues as well, including that four lettered word.

The word that drove most people crazy. Makes the world go round. Whatever.

Dude, Love, is indefinite. Indescribable. Immortal. As simple as that, probably. But to define the root cause of it would consume loads of time for the explanation.

Funny how some people would say, "He confessed to me! Geez! Imma try and see how far we can go from here". "I met a girl few days ago, and she asked me out yesterday. Dude, she's fucking hot, mind you. Oowyeah." Which, in essence, they're trying to convince in a summary: I'm in love weh!

Wise.

But yeah, like I said, it is indefinite.

You can love a person from far, even though she might not know that you even existed at the very least, that is love.

You'd do whatever it takes to make her happy even if she's with someone else, knowing that you won't be getting anything in return, that is love.

You might be the wisest son of a gun of all time, but whenever you're with someone that clearly you had your feeling with, it's like there's a switch that can turn you to be a dumbass in just one simple flip, and do whatever she tells you to do. That is love. Stupid, I might say, but it is.

You'd shut yourself up whenever she talks about unimportant, unnecessary things, or about someone that you don't even give a bloody flying letter F, but still, you're paying attention like that's the most important thing, that matters the most to you. That is love.

You shield yourself when she said something that hurts you like shit. That is love.

You'd drown into the sea of wrong with a t-shirt that prints "I am Mr. Right", even though everything she said is utter nonsense. That is love.

You'd sacrifice your times willingly just to make her happy, and for the sake of having her, that is love.

You'll stay on the course, even if it leads you to nowhere, as long as you can be with her (in the event of requited love shit) until the day she will personally tell you to fuck off. That is love.

You'll risk yourself, to be hurt in the end, and to bear the consequences after, that is love.

....ohh yeah, I just showered you with cliches. Tell you what? Nevermind those bullshits, dude.

But mind you that love, is not like some chemistry projects that you can experiment on. You can't go on with a person on a "we'll see what happens next" basis. That is, if you're asking me from my POV. True, que-sera-fucking-sera. But that depends on how you maneuver it.

It takes time to tie up the bond. And actions.

I'm not fond with words, I am a man of actions, I'll do whatever it takes to do to stay on the board. And I might swallow those bullshit lines above as my creed. But that's just me.

So as for you buddy, next time if you feel like getting it on with someone, think. And show some balls while you're at it. Not literally lah bodoh.

Tengok, kau buang masa aku lagi. Nasib baik kau belanja aku nasik campur.

Now, if I got your question answered, excuse me. I need my sleep now. 'Ta.

Skidmarks and Bruises

Things had been quite adventurous for me, albeit peculiar on some occasions these past few weeks after Raya.

Weird, yeah, for instance, I just got myself fined for traffic violation yesterday - a ticket worth of RM300. And I don't feel shitty, at all.

Officer: Did you know that you've just crossed the red light? *pointing*

Me: *Shrug* I guess so.. Yeah.

Officer: Well, can I issue you a ticket then? *smiling*

Me: Sure, do. *smile back*

Officer: Thank you.

LOL.


Like I give a flying fuck.


I am near broke utter honestly, and yet somehow, I am not feeling depressed or stressed out et cetera - like a normal person SHOULD, over that.

But hell, I am indeed, not.

I must be out of my mind. Either that, or I need to get my ass kicked.


Okay, I think I need to get my sleep now.

On the other hand, I'd like to shout this out loud: fuck you world, I am now against you. I'll paint you black, with Nippon paint.

A short post just to show that I am still alive and kicking.

I am happy as fuck.

Period.

Thank you.

Nguhh.

Sesungguhnya aku tengah mamai, baru bangun tido. Petang2 raya ni kan? Ish ish ish. Orang lain sibuk mengemas, gua sibuk layan mata.

Just received a phone call from my dad, glad to know he's aight. On the way ke Kota Bharu katanya.

Petang raya? Wow. Lantaklah, as long as dia happy, okay la kan. At least.

Dan aku jeles, sebab aku kalau boleh taknak beraya kat Seremban. Aku nok raye ganu!!

I mean, yeah. Whatever. Let bygone be bygone.

This is what raya is all about pun kan? Forgiveness. Sebulan kita mencari keampunan dengan Tuhan, dan kini tiba masa kita untuk mencari keampunan dengan sesama manusia.

Have fun, dad. Love you.

On the other hand, banyak benda nak buat lagi ni. Oh yes, masak rendang. Now what the hell am i doing right now? Blogging via phone? Behehe.

Okay, aku berhenti merapik. Till then, have a blast raya everyone! I love every single one of you. :)

Testing. Via phone.

See if this is going to werk. Weehoo.

Posted via phone.

Ini bukan post pasal Illuminati. Pfft.

Saje je aku post tajuk mcm tu.

Sebab aku dah muak dengan banyak post recently. Kalau boleh, ketupat pulut pun dia nak kata Illuminati sebab bentuk dia segitiga. Apsal kau tak defy sejarawan negara, kau cakap la tanjak tengkolok Zaman Kesultanan Melayu Melaka tu bentuk apa? Bujur?

"So no more Toblerone for you, kid. That's fucking Illuminati".

Come on people, believe it or not, those Illuminatus, they have been there for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. Kau nak buat apa? Even kalau kita bersatu nak menentang pun, you can't stop the clock from ticking towards the destruction of the world.

Aku malas nak bukak cerita pasal Freemasonry even tho aku pun lama gak kaji pasal bende ni, way before orang kecoh pasal The Arrival, itu pun untuk pemahaman sendiri. Bukan nak kata aku cool (even tho aku memang cool pun, so fucking what), cuma aku rasa, I got things to do with my life, rather nak spend masa kaji bende yang takkan habis sampai bila-bila.

Nak tahu, tak salah. But to exaggerate sampai mcm tu sekali... my goodness. Kau nak anti Yahudi, PC kau pun pakai Intel. Datang dari mana Intel tu?

Sebab tu aku kata; nak tahu, tak salah. Tapi jangan taksub gile.


Enough of that.

Entry aku ni sebenarnya takde apa pun, mungkin saja nak mengupdate sebab lama dah tak merepek kat sini.

Few issues sejak kebelakangan ni buat aku rasa restless. Ditambah pulak ngn ke-FML-an yang melanda, buat aku rasa.. tah.

Aku mulakan dari point ni - Salleh Gregor Samosa (tu ke nama dia? mcm sedap je, haha. Ke Samsa? Lebih kurang la kot), about his recent post pasal puasa. Erm, atheist katanya. Takper lah. Itu pegangan dia kan, nak buat macam mana.

Cuma, kau nak gebang pasal betapa coolnya engkau menjadi atheist (Melayu ke tidak, ntah, aku peduli apa pun), that's a bummer. Kau taknak puasa, suka hati kau lah. Tapi jangan gebang, pastu kutuk orang yang berlumba-lumba nak cari diri, mengenal Tuhan.

Engkau nak bangga jadi Atheist, go ahead. Dan pasti engkau pun bajet nak punya freedom of speech sendiri, betul? What about the other's FOS? Kau tak boleh nak marah kalau orang panggil kau kafir laknat, sebab diorg pun punya hak untuk bersuara.

Aku ramai je kawan Melayu yang atheist, dan terang-terang aku gelakkan diorg depan muka.

Kebanyakannya diorang ni kononnya menempuh hidup yang susah, sampai satu tahap diorang berfikir - ada ke Tuhan ni? Kalau Dia maha penyayang, kenapa hidup aku fucked up sampai macam ni? Well, termasuklah Mr. Samsa (saje aku adress surname dia, baru lah cool macam mat saleh, yo!).

Yang kelakarnya, most of them ada kereta, baju cantik-cantik (aku pun shopping baju 6 bulan sekali wie!), boleh pegi mabuk kat Jalan Changkat every week. Susah apa ke lancau kau? Kat BersamaMu TV3 ada satu family makan siput babi rebus, ada diorg rasa apa yang kau rasa?

Semua ada masalah. Tapi dia lupa. Lupa rasa penyayang Tuhan tu macam mana. Rasa oksigen yang tiap2 hari dia inhale exhale. Lima deria rasa kat lidah dia tiap kali dia kunyah burger GCB kat McD. Itu contoh paling mudah albeit quite lame, tapi dia tak fikir pun.

Kau masih ada kawan, tak hidup sorang pun. Siap tolong belanja makan kat umah dia sebab korang sama-sama tak puasa, tak ke penyayang Tuhan tu, at least? Dan apa kau balas? Oh lupa, kau tak percaya apa lancau pun.

Aku pun getir jugak hidup aku. Tapi pada aku, itulah masanya aku dapat rasa siapa diri aku, siapa yang cipta aku. Walaupun aku tahu amalan aku bukan tahap alim ulama', tapi aku cuba untuk jadi yang terbaik, sebab aku tahu bila hidup dah senang, bukan susah nak mula lupa diri. Jadi time susahlah, aku doakan agar diri aku sentiasa lekat pada jalan Dia, termasuklah bila aku senang nanti.

Hipokrit? Mungkin, tapi aku kenal diri aku, dan aku tahu nawaitu aku. Ooh, pal. It's not as easy as it seems. Tahap FML aku ni, kalau tak kuat, memang boleh dah nak hilang pendoman, macam kau.

Hidup, kewangan, kawan, keluarga, hati - semua aspek beb. Semua macam haram rasa dia.

Tapi, sebenarnya, kita tak nampak. Behind all these, apa ada cahaya. Macam gerhana, takkan gelap sentiasa. Hati kau, gelap macam mana pun, masih ada putihnya. Melainkan kalau kau yang nak hidup kau macam tu.

Sebab aku tahu, aku punya agama. Aku punya Tuhan, which is Allah. HE is everything, to me.



Dan kepada yang bukan seagama dengan aku, tak kira siapa, aku pasti, korang jugak tahu apa rasanya punya deity untuk korang submit diri korang bila korang lost. Kristian ke, Buddha ke, Hindu ke, sebab kita manusia. Ciptaan. Bukan supreme being. Banyak defects nya. Dan aku hormat akan pegangan masing-masing. Takde sebab untuk aku anti sesiapa pun. Fitrah manusia, perlukan pegangan.

Dan aku, aku rasa bertuah sebab aku punya agama aku. "Bagimu agamamu, dan bagiku agamaku." - Al-Qur'an, 109:6.


Namun kepada yang tak percaya tu, uhm, well, good luck with your life, dude. Cuma, jika kau rasa kau nak diterima oleh society, sila jangan jadi asshole.

Sebab dengan entry kau yang kononnya melawan arus tu (rebel equals coolness, my ass) tak gempak pun. This is not America, dude. There are thousands who would love to kill you, in the name of God, especially when they felt threatened. And you can't blame them, sebab pada mereka, darah kau halal.

Till then, just.. tone it down, will you?

Macam aku, senang je, aku hanya mampu doakan, suatu hari esok, kau akan flat to the floor, and all your thoughts will revert to only one source. ONE. In short, hidayah akan sampai ke hati kau, sebab DIA maha penyayang. Dan kau akan kenal siapa pencipta kau. Seperti yang aku dah pernah alami. :)

Baik kan aku ni?

Woo Woo Wee Wa.

Just now, a 40-year-old me came and tapped me from behind while I was walking along the dark curbside.

"Hey kid, I know you're having a tough time right now."

"Well, what do you expect. You've BEEN there. I mean, here. Whatever."

I tried to walk away.

"Slow down kid. Take those heavy footsteps lightly. Take a deep breath for once, and look around you. Ask yourself. Are you that pathetic? I won't give you the answer as you already know."

Trying to act cool, I lit myself a fag. Inhale, exhale.

"..'the fuck you're talking? Oh, come on. I'm chill like a fucking tomato."

"Look, I know you're torn. Hurt. Yada-yada. But remember, scars are meant to be permanent. You gotta let yourself bruised and wounded, eventually the scars will toughen you up. They won't heal, and that's good about them - to remind you every time. You know.. you're.."


I kicked his balls in, and I stabbed him with a nail clipper to death. I am SALT.

"Shut, the, fuck, up."

Wait, did I just murdered a 40-year-old me?

I don't give a fuck. Because I am strong, and I am bad-ass. And hell if I'm lucky enough to be alive when I reached 40, I won't be wasting my fucking time to go back and make it up to the earlier me.

I am Sal.. no, I'm Moe.

Behehe.

I need two cornettos now.

.....wow.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere,
with drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey.
She acts like summer and walks like rain,
reminds me that there's a time to change, hey.
Since the return from her stay on the moon,
she listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey.

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded,
and that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar,
and then you missed me
while you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation,
tracing her way through the constellation, hey.
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo.
reminds me that there's room to grow, hey.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere,
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
who was too afraid to fly so he never did land.

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
to dance along the light of day,
and head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And then you missed me
while you were looking for yourself out there.

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken.
Your best friend always sticking up for you,
even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance,
freeze-dried romance,
five-hour phone conversation,
the best soy latte that you ever had,
and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
to dance along the light of day,
and head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
to see the lights all faded,
and that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
and then you missed me,
while you were looking for yourself?

And did you finally get the chance
to dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there.



.....what the fuck. I never thought that this song could be so.. fucking..

Well,

..I'm not gonna finish that.

6th Day.

6th day of Ramadhan.

Just had two pieces of dates, and three pieces of pandan chicken (which in a size of a date wrapped in pandan leaves).

And I'm full up.

And still wondering why I am not gaining any weight.

Short, messy, and SKINNY. Uh-uh.

Not-good.

I think I need two cornettos to balance it all. It's kinda tiring to fake your smile these very days, and I need a cure for that.

CHOC CORNETTOS! WOOHOO!


But first.. oh yeah, I almost forgot, I'm in the office now. Duuude.

Let's get back to work.

Myles Kennedy, You Are An Asshole.

"She could take my heart and soul
She could take my hand to hold
But why'd she have to take advantage of me
I tried to pay for all the things
She could want or ever need
Don't make me pay for all the past please."

....what? wh-

"Don't make me pay for all the past
So much to tow
Bogged down with all the history to hold
The blame fell hard on me
Apologies were too short lived."

Dude, shut the f-

"She took my heart
She took my soul
She took my fragile hand to hold
She took advantage all the time
I'll take her back cause her love makes me blind".

Yeah, whatever dude. You are sir, an asshole. Oh thank you.

Here We Go Again.

..and Lo! Here cometh the Ramadhan!

A month of test. Filled with blessings. Time for redemption. Rooms for chances. CHANGES.

I'd always looking forward for this period of time, way than the Eid. To me, Eid is just a celebration, but nothing would beat a month of battle.

A battle within you, I'd say.

A battle to overcome the comforts you've slummed yourself in over a year, of becoming a better you, hence the reason to struggle for.

A month of cleansing the stains.



Lo! here cometh the Ramadhan!

Numb Fingers.

It's Monday morning.

Standing still at the balcony
as I watch the rushing cars passing by the expressway below.
Counting the balmy streetlights from the distance.

Trying to inhale
every bit
of the remaining tip of the cigarette.

And trying
so hard
to exhale every nicotine left within my lungs,
along with these thoughts.

As if I'm watching every bit of me disappeared into the thin morning air
along with the twirling smoke.

My fingers are too numb to strum anymore chords,
so I lay my lovely red guitar to rest
for now.

Watching the sun slowly emerging from the hills.
And the moving clouds.

Wonder whether I could paint an image,
your image,
our image,
with my fingers in the sky.

Trying hard, still.

While missing you, still.

So much, still.

From a distance.

Over the hills, far, far away.



Oh, hello, Monday.

Apa² Je Lah Labi.

Freddie Mercury ada pesan kat aku, suruh sampaikan kat korang jugak. Tapi mungkin korang terlupa, atau terlepas pandang.

Ada sekali tu dia cakap:

"Too much love will kill you, if you can't make up your mind.
Torn between the lover, and the love you leave behind.
You're headed for disaster, 'cos you never read the signs.
Too much love will kill you,
Every time."

Aku cakap kat dia, "Ye la tu kau". Dia kata, "Iyeeee", pastu dia sambung lagi:

"Too much love will kill you, just as sure as none at all.
It'll drain the power that's in you, make you plead and scream and crawl.
And the pain will make you crazy; you're the victim of your crime.
Too much love will kill you every time"

Aku malas nak layan sebenarnya. Buat bodoh, walau pun aku tak bodoh. Tapi dia tambah lagi:

"Too much love will kill you, it'll make your life a lie.
Yes, too much love will kill you, and you won't understand why.
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul, but here it comes again.
Too much love will kill you, in the end."

Pastu Brian May datang, dia solo gitar Red Special dia kat sebelah telinga aku secukup rasa untuk 33 saat. Pendek je. Tapi macam cibai best dia.

"Sial lah korang", kata aku sebelum aku blah dari situ.

Dear Agony, Thank You For This Serenade.

I have nothing left to give.
I have found the perfect end.
You were made to make it hurt,
disappear into the dirt.

Carry me to heaven's arms.
Light the way and let me go.
Take the time to take my breath,
I will end where I began.

And I will find the enemy within,
because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin.

Dear Agony,
just let go of me.
Suffer slowly;
Is this the way it's got to be?

Dear Agony.

Suddenly the lights go out.
Let forever drag me down
I will fight for one last breath,
I will fight until the end.

And I will find the enemy within;
because I can feel it crawling beneath my skin.

Dear Agony,
just let go of me.
Suffer slowly;
Is this the way it's got to be?

Don't bury me, faceless enemy.
I'm so sorry; is this the way it's gotta be?

Dear Agony.

Leave me alone.

God, let me go.

I'm blue and cold;
black sky will burn.

Love, pull me down.

Hate, lift me up.

Just turn around, there's nothing left.
Somewhere far beyond this world, I feel nothing anymore.

Dear Agony,
just let go of me.
Suffer slowly;
Is this the way it's got to be?

Don't bury me, faceless enemy.
I'm so sorry.
Is this the way it's gotta be?

Dear Agony,
I feel nothing anymore.



I shall sing this throughout the night.

Batmoe Returns.

Here I am, back on night shift, suckers.

I think the night atmosphere suits me better. The dark skies, the night breeze that would dissolve me in, hence everything in my mind.

Emo sial. Oh whatthefuck!

And it has been a while I haven't post anything here.

Well, I had a somewhat busy weekend, that is. Yep, with uhm.. series of neverending standups? Man, I need to get a fucking live, I know.

I missed MTV World Stage two nights ago, and definitely gonna miss Slash and Kula Shaker this week, but I hell I'm not really frustrated. In fact, not at all.

Watched Coheed & Cambria yesterday, 'twas a fucking awesome set. Weehoo. And I'll be catching Orianthi and her sweet shining jelly red PRS Custom 24 on Thursday, live in KL.

Whatever.

And now, looking forward for this one gig at Noisy Studio, Ampang, where I will be backing up for Nini, or err, Nindy on guitar.

The flyer came out something like, uhm, this:

Pretty provocative gig title. Just brilliant. Hehe.

Well, obviously, I'm swimming in the sea of boredom now. May the best of luck be upon me, that I shall not drown myself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I got some ass-cleaning tickets to be taken care of. Till then, muthafackas.

Cool Beeaaaans.

I had a weiirrrrrd ass dream last night. Or a nightmare.

As if I was in Half-Life 2. Flying headcrabs, living tablefan, and.. uhm yeah, I even met JD (not Jack Daniel, but Jedidiah) Wong from that band Pop Shuvit, with three eyes. Three fucking eyes, scared the shit out of me. Why JD? I don't know. Even the trees and surroundings were exactly as the game was.

And the coolest part, I went to a drive-thru ATM machine. I never bump into any of them in KL or Malaysia so far (but a colleague of mine told me there's one Stan Chart drive-thru ATM somewhere Lebuh Ampang).

Shit, I am cool.

We need loadsa drive-thru ATMs here in Malaysia, especially in KL. Or in major towns. More.

Think about it. With those stations, we all can save time and perhaps parking space, too.

We have enough fast-food drive thrus all over the country, why can't we invest on something else? Something more useful and beneficial? I think we had enough of shopping malls. We need more ATMs. Car wash booths. And ooh yes, traffic lights. As in, WORKING traffic light.

Man, with these kind of dreams, I think I'll be a good mayor. Cool beans.

Oh yeah. Meanwhile, I got few friends buzzing me about my previous entry. They felt as if they were the SUBJECTS.

Well - as a disclaimer (I think I should post this as a header later) - THIS IS MY PANDORA. My Arcane Sanctuary. And I am the Pandemonium. Pande-MOE-nium, get it? The capital. My fucking world. I got to say what I got to say. I'm having my own stand up session here. And if it's not to your liking, go and kill yourself. Fly a kite. Spank a monkey. Go listen to your tweepop.

"Dude, what's a pandemonium?". Look it up. Or shall I say, Google it up.

I don't care. I iz what I iz.

"Siapa makan cili." Definitely. I got my own list, and if your name's not in it, it's not my baking fault. Blame yourself for being such a douche.

So, be nice to me, I shall be nice to thee.

Oh well, time for lunch.

Om nom nom nom om nom.

Pagi Yang Gelap.. Kini Sudah Terang..

Semalam aku tido kemain lama, sebab malam semalamnya seharian aku tak tido.

Teman kawan aku sebab dia ada banyak benda dalam kepala nak diluahkan. Aku rasa best, sebab aku berjaya untuk ada di situ. Aku memang best pun. Lepas tu (sekitar pukul 5 pagi) aku pergi ofis, kerja. Handal!

Segar gile beb. Macam salad KFC!

Dan at least, hati aku senang, sebab aku buat orang senang (rasanya lah, aku tak tanya).

Hari ni kepala aku bekerja macam data processor, sebab kerja boleh tahan banyak. Tambahan pulak aku nak setel monthly payments aku sehabis mungkin. Hambik kau, gaji besar mana pun, belum tentu kau hidup senang.

Seperti yang selalu aku 'sekolahkan' kawan-kawan aku yang masih stadi (yang kebanyakannya dalam kepala masing-masing 'aku grad dengan degree ni aku leh keja besau leh idup senang'), lagi besar gaji kau, lagi besar tanggungjawab kau.

Juga, ada la kejadian bodoh yang agak bodoh dari lembu. Kesian lembu, sebab orang kata dia bodoh. Cuba tengok watak lembu dalam kartun Rocko's Modern Life. Pandai je.

Okay, berbalik pada topik. *ehem*

Ada jugak la cerita yang kurang senang sampai ke telinga aku. Cerita pasal orang ni tikam orang ni. Mengata belakang. Mengadu domba.

Mengata belakang tu takde hal. Memang semua orang kot buat bende tu. Diulangi, SEMUA ORANG. Tapi mengadu domba?

Oh yea, pada yang tak tahu mengadu domba tu apa (bukan mengadu kat bomba, bodoh), maksudnya ialah perbuatan (ye, bende ni verb) seseorang, atau bahasa bagusnya asshole, yang suka melaga-lagakan dua parti atau lebih. Dahla buat mulut, pastu lagakan orang.

Kau memang champion.

Macam aku, senang je. Sebab aku tahu nak figure orang-orang macam ni. Tak susah. jadi aku tak ambik pusing sangat, bawak nama kau kat orang lain apa suma. Aku lagi senang untuk ignore kau, dari burukkan nama kau.

Karma works better. Bila Encik Karma tumbuk kau kat muka, baru kau rasa.

Aku tau sakit dia, sebab aku penah kena.

Sepanjang hidup aku, banyak sangat orang macam ni. Dan kau tak perlu jadi sebijak Al-Khawarizmi untuk figure bende ni.

Dan persona ni juga merupakan seorang yang takde insurans langsung tutur katanya. Aish. Tak boleh macam tu, beb. Kan waktu kau berhingus masa darjah 4, cikgu kau penat ajar pepatah, "terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata.. sendiri fikir".

Hmm. Aku tak tahu la orang lain, tapi kalau aku senang je. Sebab kalau aku dah mula hilang respek aku terhadap kau, jangan hairan kalau aku layan kau macam biasa. Sebab tak ada apa yang spesel pasal kau. Kau adalah predictable, kata Mamat Salleh.

Sebab tu aku ni memilih kawan sebenarnya. Hanya muka-muka yang aku sayang je aku bagi perhatian lebih. Yang aku tahu luhur hati budinya. Kalau aku tak sayang kau, padan muka.

Kau hip, peduli apa aku? Kau dress up kalah Tokio Hotel, pegi mampus. Collection apparel kau berlambak? So what. Kau rasa kau cool? Aku lagi cool dari kau. Kau anak orang kaya? Duit mak bapak kau, bukan kau.

Mati esok, liang lahad jugak perginya.

Jadi, pada orang yang rasanya dia ada unsur-unsur macam tu, sila neutralkan balik (sebab aku takleh kata suh ko jadi baik, sebab kau memang takkan 100% berubah, so kalau dapat kurangkan sikit level asshole kau pun jadi la) perangai buruk kau.

Jadi macam game The Sims, level keyakinan aku hijau balik la skit.

Tengok, baik kan aku?

Okay lah, aku nak buat kerja.

23 Years.

Man.

I am 23 years old now. Or say, approximately at 7.45pm later (GMT +8), I will be.

Wow. 23 years of adventure. The rants. Raves. Thicks. Thins. Ups. Downs. Reigns and fallouts. Failed attempts and triumphs.

Yeah, I know, I'm not that old for some of you. Perhaps, it's just the beginning. Of what, I iz the don the very very sure.

When I was a kid, I used to think that magic is real. Tho I had never single-handedly experienced it till now, I was convinced by my own subliminal me, that it does exist. Someday, somehow.

Of course, at one point, you gave up. The walls starts to shrink you in. You're cornered. Trapped within your own square.

Fuck magic. Fuck happiness. Fuck life. Fuck love. Fuck everything.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

Well, yes. For some reason, epiphany is the only answer. The only salvation. The greatest gift from God, ever.

You waste your life for unforseen things. You waste your time and effort trying to convince a person of how much you love her. Where in the end, which is certain as death, that you'll end up nothing. You make mistakes. You REPEAT mistakes. You please others instead of yourself.

"Pukimakkkk. So what is left for me thennnnnnn??"


I've learnt thru pain and flames, that the true happiness comes from you yourself, within you, not from the others. The real magic, is actually you.

It does exist, people. Eureka.

And in time, you'll learn on how to shut yourself. To avoid things. To say "No thanks, go wipe yourself". To resist temptations. To be an asshole for once. To say "FUCK YOU" to the people who wants you to be their comfort pillow when they have no one at one point, pointing you as their main source of hope, you pick them up when eventually will leave you hanging and downgraded when they're all up and surrounded by everyone.

Ohh yess, I happened to bump into these people A LOT in my whole life.

And in time, you'll learn on how to appreciate people who actually deserve your attention.

Yes, appreciation. That's the only thing you need in life, man. And money. Lots of money.

Jon Foreman told me once, "Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell".

Ah well.

I am still standing today. I've emerged from failures. I'm yet to be successful, but I'm pretty sure that one day I will be.

Because I am fucking cool and awesome. And kind. Handful. A fucking tool for everyone. Very, very effective.

Told you, I am emo. Ha-fucking-ha.

This is yet to be the greatest birthday epiphany I ever had.



For those people out there who had their wishes on my walls, I fucking love you guys. With all my heart.

Fuck, I felt loved for once.

:)

Winning Is Just Bad As Losing.

It's Friday morning, again.

For some reason, I love nightmares.

Flying Spaghetti Monsters, flying heads, drowned, getting lost in labyrinths, centaurs, Spongebob, you, earthquakes, you, myself, you.. etc, etc.

Cuz with nightmares, I won't be sleeping for long. And perhaps with a sudden wake up, I feel fresh.

I'm about to kick some ass today. Kill birds with two stones. Break some legs. Or whatever.

Man, I love Friday. Whoa. Can't wait till weekend.


For now, I'm going for a breakfast. Stay sic, muthafackas.

Aku Lapar Gila Ni.

To begin with, I am kinda sick of everything that involves emotion. I can cry this out synonymously with emotion sickness. Like Silverchair's. But I just can't help it.

That's uhm.. well..

Ok ok. Back to the story.

So, yesterday, a friend of mine called me while I was about to venture myself to Neverland.

Well, technically I asked her to call me back after she sent me a text, "I need a shoulder to cry on".

Kimak, wa takde credit sangat. So I replied. "Call me".

Then, on and on we talked. Of course, mainly about her new relationship with a guy, which also happened to be one of my great friends.

The thing about her, isn't actually that twisted. She just got confused. Or moreover, she confused herself. Wondering whether the guy's really fell for her. Etc. Etc.

"MoOOOooeeee.. I'm confuseddddddddd. Is he really sincereeeeeeeeeee. I dunno what to doooooooooo", she said.

Bah.


To tell you the truth, I don't fucking know hun. In fact, no one knows. Even his closest friends. How the fuck should I know?

Yep, that guy, as far as I knew, is the nicest guy ever. He even helped me thru my hard phases several times. And speaking from a guy's perspective, I shall say, he is, indeed a semi angel. But relationship-wise? I can't tell.

But judging from the efforts he made, and the way he expressed himself (yep, I was 'forced' to read few of their messages and shit), he is, at least, trying to be one. And he's doing his best at it. He made so much effort for this girl, so much, just to convince her that he does, indeed, fell for her.


And still, she got all confused. Or moreover, doubtful.

See, that's the thing I don't understand about girls. Well, not all of them, but mostly. I can browse thru my records, and trust me, it is.

They always fell on the wrong side of the grass. Always trying to look out for a greener plain. Glitters, blinding lights on the other side of the fence. And keep on wondering why they'll end up choosing the wrong guy that turns out to be a dickless prick.

I've been there. By there, I mean THE guy.

I would pull off anything just to make this one particular girl happy, with the fact that I know, in the end, that all my efforts worth nothing. I won't gain anything. I won't get anything out of it.

Same goes with this guy. He did quite a lot tho, for this girl.

Well, DO-ers always get this. Because they do not know how to say things, unlike the SAY-ers. They don't know how to explain things. They don't do sweet talks and shit. They don't say, they do. Because, they believe, that in the end, effort wins over empty talks.

And it takes one simple thing that can kill all those hard-ass efforts in one shot - DOUBT. As in, after all he has been through, you stab him with, "I'm not sure, I just can't see it". Niceeeeee.

Another thing that really, really annoys me is the keyword 'insecurity'. Like this minah.

She kept wondering what if the relationship will stumble. What if this. What if that. If so, you might as well pull off. Don't do it.

Life is all about taking risks. And to indulge the risks.

"Awwhhh.. what happen if we fail? What happen if we this, if we that, yada yada yada? What will happen next?"

I do know a couple that has been married for DECADES, and in the end, they failed. That shows how impermanent thing is. That includes what you called love. And if you're still dipping your toes, still wondering whether you'd drown before you jump into the pond, stop it. Fuck love. Fuck feelings. Fuck everything. Why bother trying when you know that in the end, you'll end up standing in the middle of nowhere?

But yet, we keep on trying, do we?

Or else we might just as well let love dies. Oh you know better when love and respect extinct. Humanity will cease. We shall bring forth the destruction towards this dying world even faster. We might as well start killing each other. Because you cannot trust anyone.

Okay, I'm going too far I guess.

But.. yeah.. my point is, get it sorted out or die trying. OR ELSE, stay the fuck out of it and don't even think about it. At all.

So, girls, please be careful. You might lose a possibly great guy. And end up being with a dickhead for the rest of your life.

OR ELSE, I repeat, stay the fuck out of it and don't even think about it.




What a lousy crying shoulder I am. And gee, that was fast. Aku lapar gila ni.

Red Alert. Red Alert.

Here I am, back on early morning shift.

Well, I might be going back to night during fasting month.

Either way, as long as I can get myself home early without too much hassle from the traffic, that would be fan-fucking-tastic, save the parking space issues, fuel consumption, and the lateness caused by the heavy traffic.

Unsure of the reason, I had insomnia for the past few days.

Man I fucking hate insomnia. At least for now. Even though I jam a song about it on almost every week with me bandmates.

Because insomnia eventually will lead me to drift myself in unwanted thoughts. Especially this particular week. I am trying my best not to succumb to it, and as far as I'm concerned, insomnia is a major jeopardy.

Red alert. Red alert. Cannot be. Cannot be.

Sigh. Whatthefuck. Fuckmylife. Bigfuckingdeal. Whogivesabloodyshit. Et-fucking-cetera.



*Shrug* Well, lets get back to work, shall we?

Ice Breaking Sucka

Just downed two cups of sugar+double shots of cream+nescafe.

I feel great.

In fact, I feel awesome.

Like, a fucking Mongolian warlock with a vulture on my shoulder, with cool leather vests and swords and blades, standing before the great Mongolian steppe.

And guess what? I haven't slept since yesterday. Yep, it's fucking rhetorical.

With 271++ pending tickets on the queue, I'm crunching numbers today. YEARGH! I'm on fireeeeeeee!!


Awesome balls.


Oh, good morning to all of you beautiful people out there.

Karipap FTW!

My palm is itchy; I just can't stop scratching it since yesterday.

That's a segno, or a sign of getting unexpected cash - so they say. By they, I mean (normally) Malays.. well, that's what we've been told from generation to generation.

Not sure how soon tho. Better be really soon. Cuz I got sooo much needs to be catered.

I kinda had that thing before, really bad, before I got a call from KPTM Kuantan few days later.

"Err, Encik Mohamad Fairuz ya? Awak ni ada cek MARA tak claim lagi ni. Return balik, patut dah lama dah clear."

".... Berapa banyak kak?"

"RM2990.90. Kaya betul awak eh? Duit dekat tiga ribu pun takmau?"


Or something like that. Bloody hell I can't remember.

But yeah, 'twas pretty hard back then, while struggling with bills and rents and shit (aku hidup bujang wei, at least aku tak nyusahkan mak bapak). It was like a blessing, having a light shone upon you from the midst of the dark clouds. Pretty cool.


NNNnnnow, the same gist reappeared. Oooh, wonder what would it be. Or when.



And still, I have two pieces of currypuff left on this table.

Whatever.



Anyway, may you have a great weekend. And PLEEASSE pray for mine as well.

As High As Wu-Tang Get.

Eh, lupa taruk tajuk.

Okeh, ni cawan ketiga Nescafe Cream+Sugar+Sugar (yang aku pajak dari coffee machine kat pantry - 10 sen per cup je der!) aku telan untuk ketika ini. Sah-sah kepala aku berpinar.

Nak lawan ngantuk konon, ceh. Pemalas tu pemalas lah.

Anyway, tadi aku "terchat" dengan sorang kawan. Dan kitaorang borak about some random stuffs.

Tiba pada satu topik yang agak bodo, namun fikir-fikir balik, masuk akal jugak.


Pada korang yang keja opis, atau bakal kerja opis (sila bayangkan floor yang penuh dengan orang-orang pakai formal, bawak fail, photocopy machine, cubicles, PCs.. dan lain-lain), pasti akan ada terma "Dragon Lady".

Apa ke lanchow tu?

Ye, secara amnya "Dragon Lady" ni merupakan terma untuk figura seorang WANITA spesifik di dalam pejabat, yang biasanya mampu membuatkan orang yang paling tekun dan tajam tumpuannya mampu berhenti bernafas seketika. Boleh buat anda menoleh ke belakang jika berjalan melintasi beliau. Mampu membuatkan anda senyap-sunyi walaupun sedang seronok berbual dengan rakan sebelah. Bagaikan seorang jaguh yang mahir di dalam Hikmat Kitaran Asura, Tahap Kesempunaan.

Pernah tengok cerita Simon Pegg "How To Lose Friends & Alienate People"? Sila download dan tonton.

Gambaran kasar:

Ye, yang tengah-tengah tu. (Excerpt from the mentioned movie)

Apa kriteria-kriterianya "Dragon Lady" ni?

1. Cara jalan.

- Memang jarang toleh kiri-atau kanan. Takde maknanya dia nak senyum kalau terpandang muka kau. Dan biasanya dia jalan lurus, takde bengkang bengkok, dengan kelajuan yang lebih 3mp/h dari manusia pejabat biasa. Kalau dia pakai heels, boleh dengan keletak keletuk lantai sungguhpun lantai pejabat anda beralaskan karpet. Catwalk, mungkin.

2. Cara cakap.

- Dia hanya akan jalan terus ke cubicle anda (jika anda sasaran yang dikenalpasti) dan hanya akan bercakap dalam tona rendah dari desibel manusia biasa. Takde la sampai tahap gibberish macam Godfather. Tak payah nak buat lawak, dia takde masa nak dengar lawak kau. Paling koman pun, senyum tiga saat, pastu kembali ke parabola asal.

3. Cara berpakaian.

- Elegan dan professional. Normally a coat, blazers, shirts (yes, shirts) yang biasa kau tengok kat Topshop, pants, atau paling koman pun skirts (dalam kadar kepanjangan yang agak waras, bukan jenis mini skirt tahap nampak pangkal peha). Sebab dia faham apa maksud "being professional" bila time bekerja, ni bukan nightclub.

4. Position

- Biasanya diaorang ni dah ada certain jawatan dalam pejabat tersebut. Paling koman pun assistant manager.

5. Ride

- Disebabkan mempunyai jawatan yang menarik, jadi kereta pun of courselah bukan tahap Myvi. Paling koman Honda Accord tahun 2009. Auto. Kaler kereta biasanya silver, tak pun hitam.

6. Hot

- Macam mana elegan pun, dia tetap nampak hot. Curvy, cutting ala-ala model iklan Marie France Bodyline.. dan sewaktu dengannya. Dan mungkin juga dia pelanggan tetap sana. Rambut biasanya ikat, atau normally pendek/bobcat. Sebab dia takde masa nak groom pagi-pagi buta.

7. Tinggi

- Err, yeah. No komen. Sebab aku pendek. Tapi takper, aku tau aku kiut dan best.


Dan lain-lain. Selebihnya, anda boleh nilai sendiri.



Tadi aku baru bertembung dengan dia masa nak pegi short break. Phew.

Okeh, let's get back to Yout.. err, work.

Te Doy Mi Todo, No Pierdo Nada.

To come to think about it, I have never been on the safer side of life.

Sure, probably the least time I’ve been in the circle was during my schooldays.

My first major exam was UPSR – the interchange between Primary and Secondary of Malaysian educational stage. I scored straight A’s. Hell, I didn’t even study for that, as far as I can remember. And in between Form 3 and 4, I scored 7As and 2Bs for my PMR examination, likewise UPSR, I did not put too much effort on it.

And yes, I am truly a lucky ass to score 5As 4Bs and 4Cs for my SPM altogether, with no fails – without hitting the books too hard as hard as others. I guess I never took seriously on my studies, ever. Unfortunately I did not get any offer from the local Uni (forget about overseas, my dad’s not Donald Trump). Padan muka.

Only one sunny day, when finally I received a letter from KPTM Kuantan (a so called polytechnic college, subsidiary under MARA). My mum told me that it could be a blessing in disguise, so off I went.

There, I spent three years, discovering myself. I met whole lotta people from different backgrounds. Nerds, rempits, musicians, backstabber, good people, fucktards, and great friends like Izrul, one of the coolest motherfucker I ever met. The freedom of doing things on my own.

I had some pretty rough times there, as my dad could not afford to fund me. The only rope that I can cling to was MARA study loan which, of course, not as much as other scholarships. Or my 2nd sister, Yati. Nevertheless, there were also loads of cool times with friends who were really sincere of helping each other. I still remember there was once I survived few weeks with just biscuits and plain water, before my study loan was approved.

Biscuits and plain water, yaw.

How lucky I am, still, compared to the starving kids in Uganda.

I met Ika, happened to be the girl that I was totally into. It was like the 'first'-ahem-'true' love, went for like 6 – 7 months before she went away to a richer, better guy than a lame, fucked-up, miserable me who own nothing (at that time lah).

But I guess I owed her, really. Two years of getting over losses (or simply, her) really taught me on how to become the man I am today. Two fucking years, beat that.

The biggest step I took was probably when I decided to quit my studies and pursue my career with ROTTW mag in journalism. Without having much knowledge about journalism, I paved the road slowly. It was pretty hard, really. But I never look back. I never have been on the safe side, so I might as well get on with it.

I am indeed a fast learner; I can pick up things on the fly – the only quality that I can assure of. I learned on how to multitask things. Reviews, interviews, graphic designs, photography, dealing with people in the music industry like music labels and shit.. you name it.

Then I switched to a different company, different field – IT. Doing technical supports for IT related issues and stuff. And that, also, I did single-handedly without any related certificate. I learned from scratch, till now.

You see, I’ve never been on the safe side. I’m juggling risks, every fucking day. In almost anything. I just do it. Do it, or die trying, that’s it.

I am a “DO” person, rather than a “SAY” person. I’m not good at explaining things. In fact, I am worst at that. Say, if I love a person, I rather not to tell her that I love her. Well, okay, probably at some occasions, but not all the time. But I would do things, subtle things for her. Just a matter of time whether she’ll realize it or not.

Hell, I’m in love right now, really, madly, deeply do, and I don’t think she cares. So, fuck it.

I don’t even think she’ll read this post anyway. And I, don’t, care.

I got plans, great plans for my future. And I’m swimming with the risks right now. I got nothing to worry about. I will, once again, take another hop. I just need a bigger pan to fry more fishes.

And if I won’t be able to make it, I shall see you guys in the afterlife. Nigahaha.


Te doy mi todo, no pierdo nada – I’m going all out, I got nothing to lose, mafackas.

Legit Emotion.

"When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
We break."

Now back to my morning coffee. And work.
Or whatever.

Saya Berasa Sangat Bertenaga. *Tough Face!*

Just got up from a short but powerful nap, with my earphone still attached to me ears.

Wow.

I am feeling fresh. Like the lettuce you saw in the KFC ad on telly eh? Slowly moving with splashing waters and shit, yeah, that's me. Fresh vegetable.

I just got a text from an old friend. Yeah. Whatever. I shall meet her for a while la. Well at least dia tak lupa kawan. Ada je yang macam celaka, bila aku ignore, tau pulak carik. Tapi bila aku mula macam biasa, buat-buat ignore aku.

Pegi mampos. Engkau bukan star mana pun. Kalau comel tahap Esty vocalist Sausage Named Bob takper gak. You're not even quarter to that, so pergi lah kau, hidup kat dunia kau yang cukup best tu. Dunia aku tak perlukan manusia super-kerek macam kau.


Now playing: Creed - Overcome


Ooh yeah, undeniably Scott Stapp is the most gay wanker ever lived. But there's something about this song that makes me felt like I am a fucking Eddie Vedder. Oh how I wish Mr. Vedder was my REAL father.

I rockkkkkk therefore I ammmmmm! Err, no, I wont do a Faizal Tahir rock pose.

And for that, I shall thank you Mr. Stapp.

See, I had few things that came across me today, hit me hard as hard as fucking 9-11 Attack. Aaron's dad, CD covers, CD reviews, J.B. show, my MUM, financial stuffs, a friend at home, car, Paul the Octopus, Dunga-In-Shame, Emma Stone.

All in one. Nice, innit?

And somehow this friggin song is like a blessing. A beacon of hope. A Morse code. A message. No matter how tied and shackled I am to the ground, I need to stand strong. Stay put. I need to get myself together. I gotta make that tough face.

Tough face! *Hknhhhhh!*


I'm entitled to overcome,
Completely stunned, I'm numb.
Knock me down throw me to the floor!
There's no pain I can't feel no more!
I'm entitled to overcome!

Say goodbye with no sympathy!

Fuckin' A, Scott!



So stay strong Moe. You can do this. You're awesome. And yes, Emma Stone's hhhhot.

Bungko La Kau.

9:31 pagi.

Baru lepas sarapan bihun/mihun/meehoon/apa lancau goreng yang sedap-sedap ayam.

Mood: Hardkor.

Dan kini kembali ke meja kerja, buat kerja sambil melayan lagu-lagu hardcore. Hakko! Hakko!




Dan oh ya, aku sedang mengemam lolipop perasa Strawberry. Kthxbai.

Que Sera Sera, Brother.

It was a cool set for Beatburns yesterday.

For the first time ever, I felt content with my condition despite Izrul's Paulie did encountered few minor problems. The trick was simple - relax.

One solution towards all problems in the world. Perhaps, the only answer.

A friend of mine, a good friend of mine, texted me somewhere when I was about to sail away to the Neverland last night. As always, the boarding ship was delayed. But yeah, what else can you offer a friend in need, other than yourself? And then I told him, I got less than 10 cent to reply his text, before he decided to call me. Aight, better.

So off we went into a deep conversation, mainly about his life. About his family. About his unrequited love. About his fucked up friends.

Most of the time, I kept myself quiet. I did shove a few points, 'and then's, 'how come's, et cetera.

I'm not a certified counselor, truth to be known. But I find most people (or friends) would look out for me in time they need someone to talk to. Well, karma works - the only, least creed code that I have faith in these very days.

I've tried not to storm him with cliches like "chill dude, you need to relax, take things one by one, slow down, this will get better soon".

But I came to a point that made him stopped for a while, when I shove him a question, "In between those efforts you made for other people to keep them happy, what effort did you pull to make YOURSELF happy?".

Wow, that's kinda two way bitchhhhslap in my fffhace. I think I chipped a tooth as well. Ouch.

Then we went to few lighter subjects before we ended the convo, and he thanked me. No sweat, pal. Anything for a friend.

It took me about an hour, probably more, to restore his faith in happiness. Although, I can assure this, that I am not, indeed, happy. But at least I am content with it. Yesssssss. Contentttttt.

"The happiest people don't worry too much about whether life is fair or not, they just get on with it"
- Andrew Matthews, my all time favorite bestselling motivator.

Life IS a bitch. They won't play fair, at least that's what I've learnt throughout all these tormenting years. You just need to do better to overcome the cheating. You got backstabbed by someone, eventually you'll heal. You got your money stolen, you'll gain more soon. You love someone and put a neverending effort to make her happy, she'll come around her senses one day.

Things do come around. When or where - you don't need to give a fuck. It will.

I'm just doing my part, brother. You just need to relax and drink more coffee.

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened by that. Happiness never decreases by being shared"
- Buddha.


Que sera, sera.

Roll, Mathafacka. Roll.

This morning, was ah-may-zing.

The lift in Flora Damansara went smoothly without having any interruption, the traffic was plain sailing, and yep, I got myself in the office - ON TIME. Err, albeit my flu and slight cold.. but never mind that, for now.

I'm praying that today will be better.

LESSFUCKUPLESSFUCKUPLESSFUCKUPLESSFUCKUPLESSFUCKUPLESSFUCKUP, please.

Okay, I shall continue that after Friday prayer.



GOOOoooOOOooOD mooooOOOooOOorning folks!

Hakko! Hakko! Hakko!

Just got another verbal warning/coach log again. For my lateness. Muahaha.

Like I give a shit. Who the fuck gives a shit anyway, I know they don't.

I know I don't give a shit to lots of stuff these days, a lot. I don't bother. I don't neeeeeeed to.

Which is why I tend to NOT speak up whenever they're asking me is everything alright with me.





I don't think I can take anymore Coke. Err, the canned drink of course. I'm allergic to powder, so I'm not even thinking of doing that sick stuff, fuck no.

Yep, I am having a slight fever. I kinda like this feeling. At least I would do my best to stay strong, I need to boost up my utmost energy at this state to keep everything stabilized.

Energy: 89%
Health: Red. Not pink.
Mood: HAKKO! So no ZZ Top for today. Fuck Blues.
Hungry: Not at all, hell even I'm skipping my lunch as I speak. Or write.

Now, I'm checking out covers on YouTube, as I slowly pace myself through the remaining tickets. And I shall do the movie marathon again tonight.



I think I need to switch my job. Ohhhhhhhhh FML.

Hakko! Hakko!

Here Comes The -- Boom -- Ready Or Not -- Boom.

Late to work, again, as usual.

It IS suck, waking up with a fucked up feeling. Every fucking day.




What an ungrateful bastard I am to be alive ain't it?

And they've raised the parking fee to RM6 from RM4 daily too. Fucking bloodsucking opportunist. You'll be dead soon. Dead. Dead man, dead. Like Tupac.


And now, gotta send this report, and off to my morning coffee. No one can stop me.

Psychosis? Psychosocial? You Name It.

4.20pm, and still surviving.

The rain outside has stopped. Heavy rain, with lightnings and shiznits. I predict that some parts in KL are flooding right now.

I am having a bad flu today. Luckily fag sticks are the best remedy, I don't have to count on chemicals to ease them at one point.

It's the month of July, and I am going to be 23 by the end of it.

....wow. Holy balls. I made it. Or at least, going to.

I stopped believing in magic long time ago. Reality bites, seeing is believing, that's what life is all about. But I'm looking forward for some miracles to happen on that day.

Something new, something fresh. A new, fresh start on.. something.

Till then, I'm crossing my fingers in between.

Miracles Miracles Miracles Miracles Miracles Miracles Miracles Miracles Miracles.

"It is myself I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind"

- Sarah Kane, 4.48 Psychosis

"I am a rough boy."

How I wish I could grow me a great beard, I would buy a shiny Les Paul and swing it the way Billy Gibbon does.

Gee, too much of daydreaming can drift yourself away bwoy.

Seriously, I love Billy. He's the type of person who does not give a fuck. He'll wail his ax and sweep the shit out of everyone. He's just too immortal for a blues god.

And he does his magic with his beard.

One sick motherfucker.

Okay, let's get back to work. And downloading albums. Gawdblesstheinternet.